brown sugar

audio: rachael yamagata- quiet

2007-03-18T16:15:00.000+08:00

it was another saturday,but it was different caused i was working.it was nice a few from my favoutite bunch were waiting for me to finish working and were hanging around taka.it felt so good and appreciated.ahah.head down to lido for bites.im still jealous nufail went for rachael yamagata.it was an awesome concert i heard.i still wish i was there.darns.

headed to well, no suprise here, simpang for supper with the favourite bunch.took pictures at the shit park/playground. all 5 of us pretty girls.hahaha.my stomachs pretty upset these days. ive been binging on junk food. really. and i havent been eating well, again.all in all, im losing weight again. tremendously.maybe its cause im working again.ugh.

wan, honestly i don't know how you feel.they'll be lying if they said they knew. and i know none of us can do anything about it right now, but i really wish you'll feel better, somehow. you can always call to talk or ask me to crack a joke randomly. take care love.

im ashamed to have gotten to know someone like you.ashamed, and somehow it's really getting to me. right now. it really is. i'll find a way to rid the feeling, eventually.it really, really hurts.more than i could have wished or imagined.i'll just digress.

But I'll always think of all the things you did
To let me know that you love me
But you're leaving
Even so

audio: ordinary people - john legend

2007-03-14T00:25:00.000+08:00

300 was almighty awesome.im suddenly a movie buff. thanks to my movie partner =].who, without a doubt, has fucking awesome picks. i've never ever regretted watching any of it with you. even in the front row.i can't wait for simpsons.ack. can't wait.
i think im no pro when it comes to bowling.when you need a size 9....

it feels empty,sad and it seriously annoying. i feel annoyed.annoyed.annoyed.it has been a pretty bad week for me whenever im all alone at home.the relic.im really reaaly waiting to embrace that beatific feeling all over again. if it ever happens.honestly, without doubt, he's incomprehensible.

ill excuse myself now and leave the memories vividly in my head.

audio: 311- don't tread on me.

2007-02-25T15:31:00.000+08:00

hello world. ok no.

i hate making decisions. period. and im in such a complicated position where everyones absolutely vulnerable. its easy for you to say but have you ever thought how i'd feel.well, everyone's too caught up with what they want and feel and im trying to make a decision and to stick by it but there are factors stopping me from doing so.

well, my friends think im going to score like Z for exams cause i know how to answer their questions and ask them to keep on studying. the truth is, ive started studying earlier so i won't kanchong spider at this period of time where you wanna intensive study but then you can't cause you're too tired and nervous for exams. no matter how many many times i've taken papers, im still all nervous about it.so guys, im NOT going to get a Z. =) so sorry to disappoint.haha. but ayu and wan should stop talking when studying cause sadrina said you guys were talking and sadrina shouldn't freak out cause ive kinda stopped studying for MLS. you silly girl. everyone's going to do fine. and lina, i wanna go your house again. and watch ayu becme best friends with your mum and watch wan drink kopi like bapak-bapak.
YOU GUYS WILL DO JUST FINE FOR EXAMS. =) i love you guys. and ive ditched MY FRIENDS to go watch dreamgirls with you guys. i cannot wait.and yes wan. beyonce sizzles.

okay,again i hate decisions.give me time please. i need to focus on exams. =)
dope, i think now you ve already got the stage presence. well done.

who do you need,who do you love when you come undone?

audio: across the universe- fiona apple

2007-02-15T14:04:00.000+08:00

im at home bored.supposed to at least make notes for exams but, im too distracted to do it.crap.

i cannot look you in the eye cause i know im the cause of the immense pain you're going through. you should just forget and just go.

i can't stand it cause i think wayyy to much and it's not my fault that i think but i just think cause thats what people do, they think and it makes everything more complicated. which is btw, absolutely not good.okay, the sentence don't make sense.really.

i've been just hanging out. eating.going for tuition. trying( emphasising) to study or smth but im always distracted. one fine day, i shall lock myself in the room, away from the idiot box and the laptop.projects have been fucked up this semester and my papers are so fucking wordy. it just stinks.

mostly, i hate waking up cause ill feel distracted and lost. i hate waking up knowing that i know what's good for me but being unable to stand by it. i hate the rage going through my head. i hate the misunderstandings. i just hate knowing im weak enough to make decisions, to do something right now cause it'll only end up hurting. i hate decisions.i wanted to go back. but i can't go into something i want half-heartedly. i want to make it all better now. i want to give it my all, but that's just what i can't do.

whatever i've said and done to/for you, it was truly from the bottom. it was at that point of time. but now, everythings just so messed up. everything. it not fun to pretend anymore. now, all i got to do is starightened myself up, clean up the mess, pick up whatever's left and make the best out of it. like ibu said, im still young and i will be sure of what i want when im wiser.

and, its been one of the bestest feeling being around and there are so much we agree with. i feel myself when im with you. that comfortable feeling, well, just made things more complicated. and you're always so kind, so understanding although i know it does get to you.thanks for the love and encouragement. i love a laughing buddy. and as much as i'll regret saying this, i do think timmy's pretty attractive. im sure you'll agree.

adriana lima is a goddess.

audio: rachael yamagata- the reason why

2007-01-22T11:42:00.000+08:00

For this past few weeks ive been pretty contented. besides having great people to hang out with, i miss hanging out with dope. i hope ill get to see him soon. it doesnt seem too complete not chatting up with him for some time.

im still in kind of a deep mess, only happier. much happier. haha. like, trigger happy. but just blame the projects. really mindfucked, thanks to projects.

i miss smelling the early morning breeze. i wanna go roller-blading or cycling.wished i had a bicycle. =(

well, i wanna thank you for the great times and all the funny lame jokes. you're a wonderful,great person. AND you should stay away from people who might make you complicated, or feel complicated. nevertheless, i love your company.

audio: sweetest goodbye- maroon 5

2007-01-14T14:05:00.000+08:00

cold cold sunday.

to aaron, hahahahhahaha. i wished i hadnt told you bout the beanie. i swear i could have knocked myself out laughing if i took a polaroid of your 'panic' face. woah. funny.you know dark places to chill in TP, so weird. like bringing me to dark,sensor-useless IT labs were so seriously random. but it was cold, dim and all nice. nevertheless, i wished there was a face staring back at the both of us at that tiny square window. we'll have a freaking awesome story to tell everyone the next day.ouh wells.

underage party sucks. all the mats will dance and wear the 'topi letak'. i feel like teaching them how to relly really use a cap.well, i did have a little fun although it was short-lived.

chilling at simpang in the wee hours of the early morning. =)) i swore that chinese, racist friend of keemi is preety alright himself.

i know work sucks cause you dont get to chill all-the-same with your dear favourite friends and like the girls at ur workplace are very kanchong-spider-squared, and you wished your working hours were not fucked up. i hope thats all okay cause thats the reason its called work . maybe when someone buys me a bicycle on my birthday we can go cycling together. ahh.nvm,random.

im really going broke. no work, no money.chill chill chill.presents for birthdays. mampos lah aku.
fucking boring sunday, no one asked me out. nabey. im so pathetic ever since.... let's not talk abt it shall we. i need to learn to be happy, merry, to stop crying randomly and just be all smiley.

kudos to the late night cold-rainy weather but no kudos to the wet soggy shoes and slippery slippers and the cold cramps.ill never be contented.

audio: you give me somthing-james morrison

2007-01-06T02:42:00.000+08:00

'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something,
'Cause someday I might call you from my heart,
But it might me a second too late,
And the words I could never say
Gonna come out anyway.

most of the times, action speaks louder.

audio: paper shoes-incubus

2007-01-05T02:49:00.000+08:00

i've been thinking, pretty much a lot lately. it hasnt been a good few weeks for me but im glad there are people who still care for me. i love you guys to bits. anyway projects being a wholesome bitch cause there's soo many and soo little time. seriously.so im going to take all the things off my mind and focus on those bitches.

i think ive got to learn to forget, although no one really does forget. i have a bad habit of thinking about too many what ifs. Actually, it is definitely a bad habit.i think you made me into this someone i am now.

since you prefer consequences, don't regret it. it definitely is a lose-lose situation. you've chose the worse. ive warned you.you insist.so be it.

the other day, unexpectedly, someone said something to me. made me think 48463 times about myself, about what ive done, about all the sins i knew i could stop doing but didnt and what karma might do to you, if it comes.its a 'gut-wrenching' (hahas) situation. geez.

to you, the duck-grape joke really made my day. tickled my ugly toes.

to nufail and abeen, i love the gorgeous gorgeous mermaids. its so pretty. ill definitely think of you guys whenever i use it. its such an unexpected present. i absolutely love it. and and i know ive not been spending time with you two but you know that ill do it whenever i can right?

i will love abeen forever even until a knot is able to be tied with her boobies and i will love nufail forever even if she turns albino.

audio: anna molly- incubus

2006-12-28T00:55:00.000+08:00

since everyone has been updating, even ayu yang selalu besarkan pantat and rarely will be seen online, ive decided to update mine.

havent really been okay. since he has been messing up my mind. i hate looking at couples and all.tsk~ enough about that.

anyway term test. i think wan boleh dapat 47 and above or everything.and ill prolly do freakin average.this has been such a busy week. although im not working, been going out everysingle day. so busy that ive been forgetting to eat(can do believe that?) and yes, i need cash. like lots of em'.

thursdays gonna be my last day at country road. its not the last last, i might come back in february if all else fails. cause i need to freaking concentrate on my projects.

im going to hang myself cause projects. so banyak. and all of them are due on the first second week when school re-opens. geez .im freaking out, really.

anyway all my friends have been really really nice. seriously. and i miss hanging out.but aunty linda's place was happening. thanks aunty and i wish to hang out there moremoremoreoften. she and aunty are so freaking fun. more sheesha-ing sessions with freakingdelicious black pepper pies and nachos with fantabulous salsa extraspicy dips.WOAH. and wait, with fags. thats a bonus.

first row end seats while watching a 2hr+ movie is so uncool. their bodies are much muscular than their heads.

update soon. ok dah bye.

wandering stars.

2006-12-07T00:30:00.000+08:00

this sucked cause when i really feel like talking i just cant get him. ARGH. its the stupid network at ubi. sucked moth balls. there's prolly smth really wrong with the dish. the satellite's prolly rusty. i wish i were a moon-woman who could just float up to the pretty moon and walk ard the cooling uneven ground. wouldn't it be nice<3.

well. im so jealous that keemi kawan and nufail are going for the muse concert.and sadrina too.RARR. ouh yeahs, and a million others. i really really wanna go. but im really dry now.they're going to have a BALL of a time. tak fair seh. im not even able to feed my super-skinny body. im super skinny. the first thing anyone who sees me will go like this ,
"!!OMFG, woman dont you eat. look at how much weight you've lost.*examines me really really carefully. making sure every single inch ive lost will cost me a lecture on one way to putting on fats*
i know everyone is really concerned but im okay. ive just been sick and sad. ill start eating,again. no doubt about it.

wan has helped me with MLS tho it was for a short while. thanks for coming down although kau berak-berak. lucky you didnt shit in your pants. term test next week. so fucking screwed. no effing' idea about a lot that has been going on.thanks to my favourite friends who've been helping me out with papers and all. to: wan,ayu,linah,shirlyn,sadrina,aini. thank you.

my intuition, projects gonna be a bitch.

okay term test people. please, let's just study our ass off and have a ball of a time later on okays.

okay people, FEED MEH. =D

saturday.

2006-11-28T03:05:00.000+08:00

saturday was okay. tho i came back at 5. gift exchange was boring at first. but we CR girls had inside joke about this guy. we couldnt stop laughing. those important people, like the GM and supervisors were all drunk. i swear it was like watching really really funny people sway and fall sway and fall. again and again. it was funneh.i wished they were like that when they're working.

MOS was nice. fahmy couldnt get it. i was pretty upset. he was prolly fun to dance with.no one wanted to dance with that extremely funny guy from CKjeans. nyahaha.

i gotten the mango gift set from body shop for the exchange. kinda expected actually.was funny tho. right, maria? hahas. anyway bumped into syaf and her sister at MOS. everything was paid for. entrance. drinks. including the one for gift exchange. we had it at a chillout lounge called FLO. opposite ONE FULLERTON. it was a very very chillout place. they had a life band.

anyway i slept at 6. it was hell. i was so tired.

where have all my money gone?

2006-11-20T23:55:00.000+08:00

im broke. like a bitch. gahhhh. as usual.

this is gay but i love my kawans a lot. like they're always there. to make me laugh, cry and think. i misses you people okays.

what am i gonna wear on SATURDAY???!!stupid gift exchange. thank maria and her adidas-discount bf, nizar. yay. i hate those ppl who work at body shop at scotts. like wtf. minahs with no fucking respect sia. i hate ppl without respect.
i hate ppl who walk and dont acknowledge. and like treat the person walking beside like some invisible shit. i hate hate hate those kinda people. kau buter ape setan. especially those ppl who knows the gf, waves just at the bf.then thinks its okay to think you're blind. buter ape setan.tho life is too short to hate ppl. i simply hate ppl with no respect.

ive been losing weight. maybe thanks to no one stuffing me with food and the unstable emotions. gay sia. and no one's been caring so much except for my friends and families. i really appreciate that. =D

im still like clueless on what to wear on saturday and how the situation will get. im so screwed. seriously.like my mum is going to ketuk my head. haha.

i recently read a compo that had me as one of the main cast. i turned into a frog. and when i was being kissed, i turned into myself again. how gay was that. aww. but it was sweet. nicely done.

what to wear on saturday? this sucks. =(

p.s. i want issey miyake perfume and still in between the zara nice skinny or the pretty cut pretty colour curdroy.damn. this is where i need fana's help. yay =)

cant wait for thursday. so much much much fun. i hope. =D

pointless.

2006-10-23T05:39:00.000+08:00

1)what's the best nickname u ever got?
freckles. not a lot of ordinary ppl have em'.

2)which way of suicide will u choose?
STUFFED TO DEATH. since i lost 8kg and now aneroxic. thank you very much.

3)rate ur social life frm 1 to 10?
7. im quite friendly. quite.

4)are you in love with someone at the moment?
prolly its one-sided now.

5)are u missing someone at the moment?
the rockstar and the happy people.

6)will u die for someone u love?
definite no, cause no one would die for me.im a selfish bitch.

7)do u think love hurts?
truckloads.

8)wad is the best thing abt love?
butterflies in the tummy,adrenalines,head spins.

9)wad is the worst thing abt love?
pops every single of my freaking nerves.

10)will u wait for someone u love?
nope. been there, done that. pls, if they dont like you means they dont. get over it.

11)wad song best describes ur love life at the moment?
tiny vessels- death cab for cutie (putting myself in the girl position)

12)do u wan to get married?
who wouldnt? babies. uber cuteness. gahhhhh. i cant wait. about the in-laws......

13)have u talked to the person u love for the past 24 hrs?
random-second-calls.

14)do u keep memories?
makes me super happy.i love memories. its like you'll laugh or cry. or just really think.

15)is love always on ur side or the opposite?
definite opposite.

16)are u sick of love?
im falling for the HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER-DEFICIENCY SYNDROME (HEADS). love? yawns.

17)are u sick of the question of love?
i should ask my kawan those questions. bet they're sick of listening to me.

18)wad are u going to do tmrw?
maid until the house is clean.and then at about 3 am try hard to sleep. real hard.

19)wad do u wan to do so badly now?
sleep.

20)wad's the song u last downloaded?
i dont download. smarter move is to ask your friends to download it for you.

21)how much do u love music?
more than a lot of things. ALOT.

22)do u play instrument?
im like NOT musically-inclined. i tried and failed. several times. so gahhhh.

23)wad movie did u last watched?
the night listener.

24)do u believe in love forever?
if anyone could ever prove it to me.im like falling for HEADS already pls.

25)wad's in ur mind now?
sleep. and how cranky i am without sleep.

26)wad song is in ur mind now?
immortal- evanessence.is that hw it's spelt. im sleepy. pardon me pls.

i freakin need to sleep. sleep deprived like fuck.

piece of shit.

2006-10-23T05:31:00.000+08:00

its like freakin 530am in the morning. i cant get any sleep. like sleeping pills pls.

im so not looking forward to school. like kentalan. my time table is completely different from all my friends. AYU,WAN,SHERLYN,SADRINA in the same lecture. im like being left out. fuck lah. but thank god there's linah. and my time table suck so bad that im skipping school on monday. i was looking forward to school and now, here it is. like macam bodoh. kental.everything's gonna suck. i hate this. =( now during breaks, ill either have to starve myself or use the comp in school like i dont have a freakin laptop at home to hide from everyone else. eat alone wait got those indian mama mama wanna share table how.=( die.

im not looking forward to eid mubarak anyways. its gonna suck. like every year is super similar. the same old ppl, again. and ive got no fuckinh mood. been cleaning the house like amah from phillippines. windows, ceiling fans, furnitures, langsir. everything. name it.this sucks.

ugh,everyhting just sucks like hell now.

and i cant sleep. how bad is this.

i need to get those pictures from nab.nab nab nab.where are you.

dresses.

2006-10-10T15:06:00.000+08:00

the other day, nisa and all the kawan-kawan made plans to wear dresses and look all pretty and for the guys to look pretty too. me, nab and nufail met up at fish and co at glasshouse. we're supposed to buka together with nisa and ashraff. but nisa and ashy came like super late. after we finished our anorexic caesar salad with smoked salmon. so sedap. and we has platters for 2. shared between 3. even so, we couldnt finish it.so gay. i thought i was pretty hungry. guess i just needed to fag. well, we had to wait till ashy and nisa were done with their meal (which they didnt finish), and then waited for kimmy. who made an effort to look pretty. hahas. so cute.act we all looked so pretty, so so pretty. =D

made our way to cheesecake cafe. they have one of the best cheesecakes, too bad im like prettyfull, so me and nufail shared the oreo cheesecake and still end up not finishing ours.we chill and then we all talked merepek. ouh ya! ashraff drove us to this house at siglap where they kept pretty flamingoes( the spelling?). so about 11++ ashy drop me off at ubi and met shaikh then he sent me home. so yeahs. so gay.

well, when u like that someone i guess it not easy letting go at all. how much i dislike him, i really cant picture myself being with someone else. i really can't. if he was to cheat or leave, so be it. ill find someone else for me. i will date someone i dont know.i know he will fall out of love with me one day. =(

i cant wait for saturday, its like. one of the extremely rare days where i get to go out and make plans with the bf. its like. super shocking. its been eeeeooonssss since i went out on a saturday with him.i cant wait.

tmr, im going to run many many errands.like find pants for raya. to go with my baju. so busy busy day. and find han his present. hai~ ok busy busy day. i hope shaikh can follow me. well, its ok if he cant.

im looking forward to going out with my kawans again. =D

the idol.

2006-09-26T14:14:00.000+08:00

i can't believe i slept like early and wasted my weekend working for idol. i tell you the job sucked. except for the company i had. nufail, hakeem, justin, adzfar and yeahs, ashraf and sab. it was good. tho the in-charged sucked. shes so freakin like analytic about everything. like the VIP goodies must be perfect. everything must be neat. yes we know but do you think they'll go checking ard and asking if their goodie bag is exactly a cut-copy-paste of the one next to him? ugh.

but we get to watch the idol rehearse again and again and again. it was damn cuckoo lah. again and again and again.paul looked like he was going to die anytime soon. nurul and gayle looked really jovial. esp gayle she was like dancing ard. ahha.and she's very sweet looking.really.and tanye chua has such a good voice live. seriously.gayle's rendition of unfaithful was really good also.but tanya's voice. it was really good.and the fans are crazy. they appeared on sat and sun when the idols were rehearsing. it was like crazy. they were staying there the entire day. crazy ppl.by the end of the job, i was too tired to even go for the idol show. but hakeem said that everyone should be there during the results. it was a defnitely goood show. excluding joakim and energy. and yes, tho i think jon is sexy. i think hady deserves to win. he's more versatile. =) congrats hady!

well, im going to work like mad these whole week. almost everyday. i hope not on the weekends la. i dont want to. =(

i dont know, this is crazy but i cannot wait for my time table. i hope we're all in the same lecture again. i dont want to be separated alone. ok then bye. =)

him.

2006-09-21T23:29:00.000+08:00

im really head over heels with this boy. really really am.

2006-09-21T22:00:00.000+08:00

This is the moment that you know

That you told her that you loved her but you don't.

You touch her skin and then you think

That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.

Yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.

I spent two weeks in Silverlake

The California sun cascading down my face

There was a girl with light brown streaks

And she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.

Yeah she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.

Wanted to believe in all the words that i was speaking

As we moved together in the dark

And all the friends that i was telling

And all the playful misspellings

And every bite i gave you left a mark

Tiny vessels oozed into your neck

And formed the bruisesThat you said you didn't want to fade

But they did and so did i that day

All i see are dark grey clouds

In the distance moving closer with every hour

So when you ask "was something wrong?"

That i think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now.

No, we can't talk about it now.

"So one last touch and then you'll go

And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more

But it was vile, and it was cheap

And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me

Yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me .

What if i was her.what if all this was just something vile and something cheap?

follower.

2006-09-12T23:47:00.000+08:00

i went to my mum's house just now. it was good. fun and the maid, she's really nice and quick. my past maid was MAD.honest.i love my brother. i think he loves spiderman more than me. okays.

well, these past few days ive been sleeping at 4.30 and waking up at 11.its really bad but its weird cause i dont even get tired.or sleepy. sucks.

my boyfriend is using friendster as a base of our r'ship. stupid.

ive been following like ppl ard. to buy stuffs.cut hair. but it was good lah. at least im occupying my time rather than nt doing anything.

my dear best friend, im really really sorry for being inconsiderate. i was just pissed and couldnt be bothered. i AM bitch smtimes. i can be pretty irritating. im sorry.really. and yes, i hope you're doing fine now. better at least.

to rudy (tho he wont read the blog), im really sorry for your loss. my condolences. i hope things will at least get better. its not easy. i lost my dad when i was really young so i guess losing someone when you're younger was easier, but full of questions. at least you still have the sweet memories. appreciate those ppl who care about you. because before you knw it, the person might be gone or just change into someone you never knew.

shaikh, thanks for the suprise. it was nice. and yes, thanks for being there for me when im fucking broke.ill repay alllllllllll your money back when i get my pay.thanks.i love you.

wicked.

2006-09-07T15:12:00.000+08:00

im practically bored right now. im watching wicker park, which btw, i love.diane kruger is lawa nak mampos.sexy sexy face.im smsing nufail to ask her if we can meet later at simpangs. its been so long since i had teh there.and then i was thinking if i could bring my digi. for the fun of it.

well, i miss wada and dayana. im meeting them soon. yayness. east coast again. smelly kerangs, here we come.and wada excited to show me a new place. crazy woman.

well, i had a good time sheesha-ing with rahman yesterday night. it hink its the last time we're meeting before he head for the NS. the killer NS. hahas. well, i told him it wont be so bad. ill see him when he books out on the weekends. ten we can chill again.

im going to work like fuck next week. like practically the whole week.so yeahs, my days are gone. but i want to work. i need to work.i need moneyyyy.rahhhh.

love are for losers.

2006-09-04T00:05:00.000+08:00

exams are finally over, thank heavens. i think my schedule this mth's gonna be fucked up. i wanna congratulate ayu frstly for getting to work on sundays at the maid-bangla joint. its a happening place. trust me. you'll meet a lot of people love. =)

sadrina, ayu, wan, linah and yes shirlyn, maybe we wont meet during the SUPP paper. i hope.hahs.ihope.anyway exams has been a whore.

went to attica for chris's birthday. with the whole crew and i must tell you, noodle looks happier and you know, jst really cheerful, really happy. im happy for you sunshine. all this exposure. and taufik. my dear boy, you looook fineeeee the way you are now.a little different but hey, absolutely gorgeous. you've got chics chatting you up. checking you out.

devil wears prada was terrific. i love that show. =)

my abeen has been pretty confused nowadays. about, you know i know who right? it seems so gay. all these guys. kan? kan? well, whatever it is, you know im always here for you right sayang. ive always been kan?! and youve always been there for me. i love you a lot sayang.

well, wan i had a great chat with you the other day and thanks for listening cause now, some ppl just dont bother to even listen to me.thanks a lot. ill trya n heed those advices. this is gay but i absolutely love my friends. always there. <3 this goes out to all of you.love you guys many okays. whatever it is, you guys have always touched me and make me engrave your names into my heart. i really love you guys. to bits. <3

well, maybe. just maybe, someone might just love me the way i love him, see me the way i see him, look at me the way i look at me, think of me the way i think of him, watch me the way i watch him, understand me the way i understand him. care for me the way care for him.
most importantly love me sincerely the way i sincerely love him and simply treating me the way i treat him. or with more respect. well, smtimes things just dont go your way.never expect anything, thats what ive told everyone asking me for stuffs, advices. never ever expect anything because if you do, you'll end up like me. i dont expect but well, it seems to _ that i expect so much. so im not going to expect. i wont care anymore. i really really really wont. mark my words. ill go out with anyone i want,come back whatever time i want to and do whatever i want to. until anger strikes.and then there comes the 'i cannot take what you've been doing. you've been acting like a slut.going out like nobody's business,ignoring my calls, not texting me back.not telling me where you're going,with specifically whom and give me random calls.fuck off you bitch, you think anyone wants to marry someone fugly like you? hell no.'

thats the time ill just smile. =)

anyway im getting married with whoever my mum chooses if im still single when im 28.so no big deals. love are for losers.

littlelest things

2006-08-27T00:55:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I find myself sittin' back and reminiscing Especially when I have to watch other people kissin' And I remember when you started callin' me your miss's All the play fightin', all the flirtatious disses I'd tell you sad stories about my childhood I dont why I trusted you but I knew that I could We'd spend the whole weekend lying in our own dirt I was just so happy in your boxers and your t-shirt.Dreams, DreamsOf when we had just started things Dreams of you and meIt seems, It seems That I can't shake those memories I wonder if you have the same dreams too.The littlest things that take me there I know it sounds lame but its so true I know its not right, but it seems unfair That the things are reminding me of you Sometimes I wish we could just pretend Even if for only one weekend So come on, Tell me Is this the end? Drinkin' tea in bedWatching DVD's When I discovered all your dirty grotty magazines You take me out shopping and all we'd buy is trainers As if we ever needed anything to entertain us the first time that you introduced me to your friendsand you could tell I was nervous, so you held my handwhen I was feeling down, you made that face you dono one in the world that could replace you Dreams, DreamsOf when we had just started things Dreams of me and you It seems, It seems That I can't shake those memories I wonder if you feel the same way too The littlest things that take me there I know it sounds lame but its so true I know its not right, but it seems unfair That the things remind me of you Sometimes I wish we could just pretend Even if for only one weekend So come on, Tell me Is this the end?

fuck this feeling off.

2006-08-27T00:33:00.000+08:00

hahawell.nth new. just that i need to adapt being single. again. im always attached kan. now be single yana, mati ar kau.

well accts is fucking killing me. everything is fucking killing the fuck out of me. im feeling fucken. i wanna do stupid things but nah i shouldnt. why should i? nothing will change anyway.

sadrina sayang, hot guys are like that. once a prettier thing comes, they use and throw the old ones. buy the new ones and then don't realise that those new pretty things might scoot off with another hotter guy. (unless dorang fucking hot uh macam pharrell) then they will come looking for 'nothing-great' girls like us.as usual. aku dah banyak kali uh kene. jantan semua samer. pegi mati ar.

anyways, exams gonna be like fuck. on thursday after the paper im going to take long bus rides, then prolly watch 2 movies myself. make me happy. for what wanna bring guys. all fucking spend my money and scoot off anyway. bukan tak ikhlas, but ppl just dont appreciate. hai~
i prolly will only spend on those who fucking appreciate me. such as my best friend. okays now, i hope time flies fucking fast so can finish exams. no fucking mood.

im gonna buy ungs on thursday. nak mats?stress uh.

dope, maybe ill keep the stuffs he bought me. free kan dok~. ahhas nah, maybe kasi balik uh. boleh reuse on other chics.

ok.fuck off.

everything's made to be broken.

okay count how many times i've used fuck. go count.

go fuck a goat ar.

extreme stress.

2006-08-22T23:00:00.000+08:00

it's been many many days. ive been pretty busy. working,schooling, and exams, hell exams are ard the corner.it's pretty freaky. i've not been concentrating on my studies esp on engineering economy. i plan to slowly study. making sure i understand every single thing. and i copied the exam hints from ayu. thnks woman =D. i think its helping me a lot cause at least i know whats coming out. cause me and ayu, we're trusting our gangster lecturer. he's smart but he just really cannot teach us. and the words fromt he acct are so chim lah.

well, my 21st month is coming like this thursday. it's 21 months right? time flies so fast. real quick. esp school. and friends. i dont wish to end poly so soon. i absolutely love ayu,wan,linah,sad, shirlyn (tho she doesnt speak malay). i dont wanna not spend time with them like how i miss my sec and primary sch. we were really gay when we were in sec and pri sch. seriously.

my dad got into an accident. so poor thing.he had to go to the hospital for further x-rays. insyallah he'll get better. and i miss my brother.so kental and gay. and he's my spiderman. ahhas.he just adores spiderman like crazy. guess all of us had our heroes when we were young.

ayu and wan are like stalkers uh! they actually know the name of loner and plastic alrd. i think thats why they understand each other a lot. and you guys are not pathetic okays. its just u guys have not found the right person yet. it took me a long time. and i still dont know whether he's the one. i hope he is. its not easy going thru. and i do miss being single. guilty but hey, i have a great someone loving me (think so), what more do i need right?

idol besok, i dont thin i can go. i got exams soon. told nysa i cant come to support noodle. i really like jonathan. when he talks i go gaaaaaaaa. best kan. so unfair, i didnt folllow them club or anything if not id probably meet them. gaahhhh.

okay i hope ill start studying decan and OB soon. i really hope. okay this sucks. gotta study.

i love CSI, OC, ANTM and GREY'S ANATOMY. i sayang these shows. esp grey's anantomy. shiok-ous.

p.s. poor farah for pengsaning twice and vomiting at her bf's hands and shoes for donating blood. she said i cannot donate blood cause im so kudut i might faint or die. rarrrrr.okay, OC coming up. yayness.

i wish i was this positive.

2006-08-13T23:34:00.000+08:00

This party is old and uninviting
Participants all in black and white
You enter in fullblown technicolor
Nothing is the same after tonight
If the world had fallen apart
In a fiction worthy wind
I wouldn't change a thing
Now that you're here
Your love is a verb here in my room
Here in my room, here in my room
You enter and close the door behind you
Now show me the world as seen from the stars
If only the lights would dim out
I'm weary about eyes upon my scars
Pink tractor beam into your incision
I came here expecting next to nothing
So thank you for being that kind of boy
That kind of boy

drained.

2006-08-09T00:41:00.000+08:00

OMG this is so gay. im being forced to activate this blog.=))

everything seems to be fast-paced. like school, work. people. ouh ya, people come and go.so do friends.

my dearest adam got into a bike accident. and yes, its his fault.broke a few bones and fractured his hips. poor thing. the way he limps, HILARIOUS NAK MAMPOS.hahas. cute sia. like joget. cute kan. i hope you'll get better soon my dearest grecsta. insyallah.

im so drained. assignments, projects,presentations. work.like freaking drained. so tired. feel like sleeping all the time. but ill end up not sleeping when i get home but sleep like in the freaking bus. fuck.

singapore is so puny. everybody is somehow connected to a lot of other people. puny puny peewee singapore.

my boyfriend stinks. hes working all the time. you don't love me anymore. i know. =( okay, you might as well quit school. pegi kerje full time ar. quit school. sua?
i need to occupy all my time.

i dislike people who put down the phone without saying goodbye when they're having a normal decent conversation. cheebye. but im guilty sometimes. cheebye.

ouh yah, i miss my best friend. its been sooooo long since ive seen you. okay, maybe nt that. since i really talked to you. really. its been so long since you meet me after my work. then we walk to 7-11, buy chips ahoy and milk. walk to opp meridien bus stop. sit at a random place. dip our cookies in milk and talk. like talk talk until before the last bus. i really miss doing that. maybe sometime soon?

okay, i had a good laugh with nufail tadi. my gula gula rabbit yang manis. haha i think you should know why kan. and the stuffs we NEVER knew.cant wait to meet abeen and nufail to visit adam in the hospital again and start gossipping. been a while since i did that.

i miss lectures with the orbit, minah and clone gang. kita kan kental. and melayu. YOU FUCKING POSER IC SAYS WHAT? EURASIAN? BLOODY CHEEBYE. GO FUCK A GOAT AR.

loves,yana.

wee.

2005-08-02T17:24:00.000+08:00

new skin.new stuffs.wee. well i really miss abeen and mama and aunty and papa and kakak and han and all.im just busy.i got so many stufss to do.and poly life is freakin fast.suddenly ull be having ur exams in like what, 2-3 weeks. and u only have a week to study it comletely.hai~ pretty stressful lah.with projects due and all.gawd. its like hell.

im happy that shaikh can now shuttle run.whaha. he paisey wanna run cuz of all the hot grls and chio chinese lookin when hes running to pick up two dumb like what wooden blocks? hahas.never mind.now u can ungks all u want k.

thanks you dope for KFC,newspaper and umm what else.nothing kan.wait2.and yes for the coke that gave me sakit stomach tadi. i hope u had fun skating with that bag boy and raihan.heh~

and i like ashraffs hir.that was random but i like ashraff's hair.heh~ so soft.

ill blog again.weee.

p.s. girlfriends.lingerie shopping please.please.

huge damage doen to ma atm.

2005-03-12T11:07:00.000+08:00

i went like theraphy yesterday with aunty.i misss her soo blardee much.the things she's taught me. everythang.i really appreciate.met aunty and dee at wisma and head down to blood bros.after trying on a few skirts,i loved this nice lookin-DECENT-orangey-peach one.weeee~ soo nice and aunty bought for me~ shank you auntyy!!!. then we went hard rock..*squeals* ouh-so-nice. tha place is very shaikh..sheesh. we met dee's niece and her best fren.i had BBQ chicken.half a chicken and i finished it all.i think it was damnnnn good lah~ cannot tahan.sheesh~ tha fajitas were good too.i was kinda lookin for like slash guitar or smth but i couldnt find.how sad. BTW,SHANK YOU DEE FOR HARD ROCK.:) ..after,i tried jeans from zara, topshop, FCuk,guess,mango,u name it man..i fell in love with this fcuk one.it's soooo blardee comfortable.sheesh~ but then it made a huge damage in ma atm.but it's all good. dough dont last long anyway. and i think aunty got really tired.shank you sooooo much aunty. saw aaron. i miss that boy so blardee goddamn much sia~.. ugh.*screams* well.i hope to meet you soon.hope. =( i didnt realise it was him sittin on tha next table until he called my name.heh~ sorry.he was with farouk.sheesh.farouk looks good now.bald tha better.heh~ picked yon and been from jubilee and went to RAILWAY STATION to eat..weeee~ nufail should have been there.i miss you and please nunu,study okek. we all became like pregnant after that.hahahas.

LETS DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN.WEEEE~

sayang my dearest people. *grins*

heh~

2005-03-09T02:29:00.000+08:00

im kinda over-and-done with that tainted love woman lah.couldnt find another like interesting blogskins.so i decided to put this for a while.ouh wells.im kinda bored. just asked dope for like nice nirvana songs.and he gave me like umm songs by other artists,not too heavy. thanksies dope=).

hannan.i really didnt forget tis yer bdae yest.and again,happy belated birthday.i knew u enjoyed your birthday.touching.heh~

ashraff-who-has-got-almost-the-perfect-hair-and-adores-slash, happy birthday to you. altho its unfair ure turnin legal 18, ure always nice to meh~ so im gonna wish you all tha best aight.and please study, yer exams coming. not too hard okek,wait yer nice hair drop off slowly.hahahs. dunt okek. =) even if it falls,collect it for me.sample.

im not werkin this whole week.i think it's a good break =) and i think i AM enjoying it.REALLY WELL.yeah.

:(

2005-03-05T00:29:00.000+08:00

poeple who means so much come and go.
as long as ther's abeen,nufail,dope,wada,fera,d.a..nuttin can go wrong. :)
long live us all. :)
and yesh,shaikh too.<3

valentine's.

2005-02-13T22:18:00.000+08:00

happy valentine's day to all.actually, to me it's more of a appreaciating-yer-friends-more than a couple-moment.i never believed in valentine's day.sorry mr valentine.

something weird happened to me in july.i grew closer to sumwan whose character was tha total opposite of mine.im still young, free..i still wanna go on dates.be pampered. gurls day out.late night out and all.but suddenly this total-opposite suddenly made a bang on ma head.just like that.

something funny happened in november.-i got attached...to him.

it was tha strangest thang.i do get well along with him.but no one really knew deep inside me.i always prayed that it'll go well.for long.cuz practically people do know me.i get bored.irritated, cant-be-bothered. im afraid ill hurt him,without any purpose.

it was all so quick.no signs,warning letters. i couldnt figure it out.

i could never find tha right one.either they were too irritating.get on ma nerves.too boring.too immature.stupid,seriously, plain stupid.jacks, extreme pain in tha bottom. i almost resigned to tha fact that hey, i will find "mr right" when im really old and we can get married then". tha guys ive dated brought me hanging stuck in CONFUSED-VILLE and WHINEY TOWN.

a real relationship.it WAS for pussies in ma dictionary but now,im beggining to realise they have balls to. just like me.certain.ive always hated happy shiny people. now,im beginning to be polished into one.

maybe im not ready.well for now.i do,cherish him a whole lot.but smtimes it gets scary when they all starts talkin about parents,marriage,stuffs. come on, i do...wanna have fun first.seriously.wouldnt wanna waste actually.i can always have fun with him.but it wouldnt be tha same.me and him,we have many thangs in common.we both adore music.into cool stuffs,etc etc.it's just maybe, we need to really chill out.for now.

well,tha polishing-to-be-shiny-happy-people would really like to wish all ma family,cousins,friends,loved ones especially valentine's day.just makes me realise how much i love you guys and how ma world revolves ard you..... *smiles*

sentosa.

2005-02-12T15:11:00.000+08:00

hahahas.havent been blogging.well.went to sentosa on a public holiday.sheesh~ i tell you tha amount of people.can make two bhangra parties already balls. and they're like freakin ewww.not eww eww lah.but they're like perverts.wish nufail was there.*sobs*

well,i was a lil upset at ferst and i think aaron and abeen and kakak sheen and prob adam knows why.but then it was all okek after. shaikh followed us too.well,always follow tha boys....adam,aaron and shaikh went tha shortcut way.some steps shit leading to tha palawan beach.me,sheens and abeen gotta walk a freakin longgg distance.there were bhanglas like followin.sheesh.maybe sheens shouldnt have used it on a public holiday.heh~

tha water was sluggy and tha tha water stank bad.reall bad also.and sentosa has one of tha werst public toilets i think.sheesh~ well,at tha beach at least..it was fun...i didnt get much of a tan.wat's new kan?even if i tanned for 10 hrs i would prob just get a lil tan.kak sheens got tha nicest tan.very golden.i think it's starting to fade..heh~yesh yesh,that guy who beens was referring to at harbour front.uber cuteness.nice body.nice tan.hot.nice curls.weee~ tha indian guy also hot.but tha gurl.jackies.

me and been accompanied aaron to tha hospital cuz he injured his leg doing capoeira.yeah ryteee....*rolls eyes* heh~ irritating sia~ heh~ waited for him for ages. and abeen had to sit outside.so sad kan.cuz they only allow one to a patient kinda thang.then i went simpang wit aaron and been.been had to go.adam came later wit sumwan else.weeee~

well,werks all good.i was tha ferst batch to be raised.weee~ and this guy at ma werkplace.darn cute.hahahas.they're all nice lah~ seriously,very nice poeple.can joke joke ard with lah~ weee~ and i think im gonna werk for pretty long lah~ not sure still... well, i do like ma werkplace.wait,maybe love.sheesh~]

i miss nufail and fera.hai~ and rover,i didnt see you on tha last day before u book in.

=)

2005-01-26T13:43:00.000+08:00

i want more and more and more of shaikh~ *giggles* i want more of your "i-don't-want" and "im-scared" ...heh~ i larveeeeee youuuuussss.

2005-01-24T03:45:00.000+08:00

I MISS AARON,NUFAIL,ABEEN,ADAM,KAKAK SHEEN.*sadness* and shaikh too of course.ive been werkin.heyyy werk's all good.just freakin tirin.and tha crowd im werkin wit.pretty co-operative and funnn.weeeee~

well,i miss hanging wit nufail and abeen.i really really do balls.

this weeekend when aaron book out,i didnt even get a glimpse of him.i really really miss him.that boy-who-hugs-people-with-one-arm. and you still have ma livestrong mofo.u better not lose it.aunty gave it to meh~ i misses you so damn much. please please wel'll meet up soon okek. <3>

nufail.i wanna chill2 wit you lah balls.hai~ bitching wit you and abeen was like great fun.i hope you're out of yer handphone-traumatic-experience.heh~ well baby i love you.i think we'll be seeing you today i hope.me,you,abeen,shaikh and umm u know who.*cant mention* and nufail,ive got what you've been wanting... *smiles gleeefully*

abeen,thanksies fo accompanying meh frm werk to home.i larvvvveeee youuuussss. and well we'll meet up soon okek. but this time u can irritate shaikh~ heh~ and he cut his hair again.by himself.haha.i love you.sincerely from tha heart.

adamsies..well well what can i say bout this boy.heh~ hello mr john lim.pleasedto meet you.

to kakak and yana and nooris.thanksies fo takin care of ma brother and nooris is hot hot hot.heh~ *smiles*

joyyy..! weeee~ when can syaf go out.haha.well well, ill see yer ard okek marrrriiaaaamariiaaaaaa.heh~ i miss goin out with you lah~ tho we're not that close.smtimes it's a freakin joy seeeing youuuuuuu.haha.i cannot explain lah~ just freakinnn ajoyyyyyyy..! weeeee~ when can syaf go out... marrrri aaa loves bobbieeee. <3

at ferst i was thinkin maybe im in tha wrong fo tellin and then i think again.if i dunt feel bad telling tha truth why shud i be wasting ma freakin time feelin like this. guilt. ive talked thangs over.well, he said.at least i have a mind of ma own,which is true.well you have been ther for me before,havent you...? *thinks hard* waiiittttt,maybe nottt. i can't find even a single time. you've only hurt tha people i actually love before.so im sorry, i dunt ffeeeelll guilt or confused or anythang anymore.if u didnt do anythang wrong, why are you so scared.huh.

well.werk's great.never had ma job in tha morn.gues nx week.ma schedule surely in tha morn.it's freakin tirin lah but tha job's fun lah~ really.i swear esp wit adam,setan,xin yie,xiao yun and that stupid jovian ard.haha.adam is hot hot.heh~ but nahh,not ma type lah. but hes hot lah. maybe umm nufail or sab wants...go to ma werkplace lah~ heh~ . he's actually islam lah~ but i freakin dunnoe why his name adam tan.he's mixed.mum malay dad chinese.freaky eye colour lah balls.malay and ferst guy who actually spoke english to me.real english.heh~ stupid mofo.he and his stupds lame jokes.and please,yer hair.that ang-moh guy who said your hair style must be farrrkiiiingggg BLIND. and please.change yer shirt and pants.did you even bathe.gawd.sheesh~ and strawberrry lotion's not fo you.ull be smelling like a gurl.ewww.

i wannn afternoon shift!!!!!! *sobs*

2005-01-18T02:05:00.000+08:00

Let it die
and get out of my mind
We don't see eye to eye
Or hear ear to ear
Don't you wish that
we could forget that kiss
And see this for what it is
That we're not in love
The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start
It was hard to tell just how I felt
To not recognize myself
I started to fade away
And after all it won't take long to fall in love
Now I know what I don't want
I learned that with you
The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start
The tragedy starts from the very first spark
Losing your mind for the sake of your heart
The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start

well done singapore =)

2005-01-17T01:43:00.000+08:00

well.heh~ went fo tha spore-indonesia match at kallang stadium.tha weather was perfect. a lil chilly. wada's dad fren drove us there.his brother with cap-stuck-on-his-head-all-the-time-and-specs-which-looks-really-cute-on-him and hamdani had to take public transportation there.haha.those poor little boys.dahlah hamdani "tempang"..injured..haha.well.hamdani just like walked straight from wada's hse..i think he didnt like noticed me.haha.maybe tak recognise.he'd prob think saper ntah budak giler nie duer.haha.and i asked him how his leg was and he was sooo malu.i don't even know if he knows who he's talking to sia~probably...aiyoh.wada's bro even werse..malu like mad.ive neva talked to tha bro before.im so scared he'll run away..prob ryte..cuz smtimes i can be too intimidating.haha.nevertheless,i got to know that hamdani is soooo bising.com. ma gawd.he was screamin..spouting nonsense.madness sia~ haha....i met hadi before tha game to pass me tha tix.ther were complications before that.gawd.haha. saw nad..she was waitin fo wiyah..wanted to shop at bedok.so i guess wanted to buy stuffs lah~. kallang's atmosphere was like woooooaaahhhh.seriously, it was all red...and white.. me,d.a and wada wore green.wat mofos ryte.haha. tha ferst score was like abt 5-10 mins of tha game.nice goal.after that all tha lions did this impersonation of lil cubs..sooo cute..they were crawling..it's sooo cute.that was like freakin cute.tho im not a big fan of soccer or watsoever.that thang was darn cute lah. =) well.they always do that "buto thang" and the "never ending kallang wave" and tha "referee kayu".haha so cute lah singaporeans. and they were cheering like madness.haha it was all good fun lah~ thanks fer tha tix hadi.=) tha jam on tha way home was hell.gawd. but todae was like reallly fun.wit ma fav gurlfriends.heh~ those mofos,wada and d.a. i shud spend more time on poeple my kinda standard.haha.i think im gonna do that lah.

dope was like nice.i think.he's always been nice.sucha sweetheart to meh~ i was tellin him bout why i was kinda a lil fucked up.and he called me a few times int ha afternoon after tha msg,but rejected cuz i didnt feel like talkin at all.well,sorry aight bout tha reject-call shit.heh~ tho ure irritating, i still <3>

im just not contented.i dunnoe why.sometimes i do feel bad cuz others dunt get tha luxurious life i get but then again,smtimes poeple who you know kinda don't werk their ass off get things realll easily.i guess it's true wat they mean...people who are born wit silver spoon in their mouth are realllly lucky.haha. even in situations,they'll always be stable even tho they didnt werk their arse off as much as others.
now...im beginning to see tha whole picture puzzle put together...

weee~

2005-01-14T02:59:00.000+08:00

i went to make ma IC and collect ma passport.im soo happy.weeee~

ummm.anyway i wanan thank mama,papa,aunty,abeen and kakak.not fergettin han fo helpin ma family alonggg tha way.i realll owe it to you guys.i really do. i appreciate it.ill return it back someday...thanksies~..

went to aaron's crib to chill out.happenin lah tha house.i love tha red hot car..it's sooo freakin cute.didnt get a chance to go into it.haha.i tried aaron's jeans.ma gawd.they're soooooo comfortable...sheesh.and i look like skater gurl.haha but i larve tha jeans lah~ .... aaron should get MCs more often okek.? hmmm.

met mai and adam afta...chill2 a lil while at syed's.and tha toilet is much cleaner.wow.*gasp* and 4 peeps shared samprongs.wtf.haha.

and aaron,that bite of yers wassss sooooo disgusting.i bet it's still as gross as it is before.ewwww.

and i just got punked by tha motherfucker adam shah.but i still love you.wat an arsehole.he called me sayin wat nonsense lah...wat..do you have a bf lah~ wat lah..by some unknown num.arsehole.it turned out to be adeq's num. and then he said..u dah luperkan i.fuck you lah adam.haha.u meanie lah~ i was laughing ma arse off.he was like i like yer laugh..so cute..turns me on lah wat lah~ shithead.fucker.i cant trust you anymore after that david-beckhams-got-aids-shit. arsehole..ughhhh.i cant believed u tricked me like that.ughhh..but i was like u sound like ma fren adam..ouh i am yer fren adam.ugh,....i was like okek.thanksies u arsehole.i thot which fucker would do that.but i was touched.cuz he was havin this marathon.callin up all his fren cuz he misses themand he remembered me.i was like awwww.they dont miss you lah adam shah.heh~ nolah..i do miss you.i was just sayin wher can this adam boy be.haha... we'll meet up soon okek.all of us always freakin busy.thats why.well.i still love you and mai.arsehole lah you..ughhh!!!! *screams* ill get u some day adam shah.*warns*

so sad kan.

2005-01-14T02:49:00.000+08:00

im not exactly goin thru tha best phase in ma life ryte now..haha.soo yeah im tryna do ma best to u know.mend that broken smile to make evryone happy.i wannn abeen and kakak and han to play wit ma hair.i wan to chill2 at tha back room.LMAO-ing wit abeen and kakak.im so freakin lonely sia.:( and i really have nothing to do here.

i miss yamakasi.tho it'll neva be tha same,i really love all of you.seriously.time heals all wounds but it'll always leave a scar.i love nufail.thank you fo bein ther for me.aaron,you know soo much abt us yet we know sooo little bout you. but all those days wit yer were damn grec lah.hope ull get more MCs.weee~ adam and mai...we miss you lah..haha.aiyer.~

fera is one of tha most nicest thang on earth man.shee's realll beautiful inside out.sheesh~ babe,i larveeee you.. and audrey..i havent seeen you fer pretty long eyyy...

ma sec skewl frens.most of them i think are freakin busy wit their freakin daily shits lah~ and i miss alice also.hai~ they're all busy werkin lah..earn dough watt.haha.i did werk fo a day but freakin quit right after.wat an arse ryte.shit mang.it's okek lah~ we'll meet up soon aight gurlfrens and boyfrens.eee.so gay sia.

fo everyone ive missed

2005-01-01T19:51:00.000+08:00

had tha most best new year's celebration wit abeen,aunty,dee,aunty aisha,uncle lan,naz and his gf,sheens and yana senama.i love you guys to bits.

new year's eve..heh~ since it's ma babyy's birthday..spent tha afternoon wit him.bought him levi's boxers.it's damn nice to meh~ heh~ and ummm made him this slash tshirt thang ah.which i think is okek.thank you to that "fren" who helped me.didnt buy him cake or wateva.he gave me his leftover cake.his family so sweet.he was pretty touched i guess.then ma baby had to go home fo some dinner thang.and i went to meet kittie and abeen.i miss them sooo blardee muchhh.umm we sit down chill2 at coffee bean.then aunty came to pick us up.we're supposed to spend new year wit em all.so went to send nufail home."( she couldnt join us..and aunty lend me her skirt.wit dee's black converse shoes.drove to warehouse..it wasnt happenin at ferst..but it got pretty happenin latta on.haha.popped champagne and all and vodka cranberry pretty happenin lah~.
climax:four cute guys.saw ma ex-bf reza and abeen's ex-bf mac.he's sooo buff now.sheesh~. okok back to climax,umm this HOTTTTT eurasian guy DINO came up..hah~ eyy he did ask me if i wanted to drink okek.wow.heh~ and he's freakin hot..i was like "hellooo gorgeous" but i do have limits. then where to put shaikh? in tha pocket?... soo we bumped a few times into him.got this bangla guy chase us.haha scawiee sia fuck.umm back to dino,gorgeous gorgeous. he asked me to dance wit him and i tagged sab along..heh~ see im nice ryteee..and it was damnnn grec how me and abeen danced lah~ i love youuuuuuu abeeennnnn..heh~ we'll have more fun when we turn 18..evrythang's legal..heh~ weeeee~ and then went to chinablack..EWWW,bodybuilders dancin their arse off is definitely a good sight.gawd..went back to dee's at ard umm 7? wash up and off to bed.wait toilet another happenin part..naked guys calender.how nice..*yummy*

dedicated to hadi.

2004-12-07T13:13:00.000+08:00

hadi.take care.stop inflictin pain to yourself.u know im here if u need me.lyke you said.yer family's always there.amazing isn't it? how yer family's always there for you.sweets,think of it.someone who kills you makes you a stronger person.be happy.foget.at least,try to foget her.seriously,she's not there for you.she's an idiot. she can't see how amazing u are.as yerself.go and enjoy yerself now lah~ go and spend tha dough and all.tho that part of you will be missin and will never be tha same fer you,it's okek. u still have yer friends.treat it as a learnin mistake.it's okek ma dear.u will find sumwan to walk alongside you again.but be careful,as ive said last nyte ryte.all this blardee tainted love.forget all tha pain she's been driving into yer heart.it's not easy,but keep yerself busy.it might help.and you know if u need anythang and feelin reall down im here aight. ill try and be there as much as i can.as for now,take care of yerself hadi.come on cheer up.u sounded sooooo upset yest.u gotta cheer up.okek?

:(

2004-12-05T13:02:00.000+08:00

i truly absolutely hate this shit.i swear.hai~
dope dope.when can u chat wit me again.blardee hell.sry abt today.
thangs always come up. and shaikh~ sry too.
nufail.i neeeeeddddd you...i miss you so much.
aaron i missses you sooo much.wher tha hell are you?
mai and adam.it feels good to see you both.
adam..werkin out eyy?
fera.its soooo good to see you.
audrey.it was sooo good to finally meet aaron's sister.you're soo aaron.
weird sudden outbursts.
i miss ma mum.
i miss goin out wit her.
she and her werk werk.
everytime im not busy smth has to crop up.
when gonna meet her,smth always has to come our way.
bitch.
not ebryday i get to go out wit ma aunt and all.cuz they're always busy.
but smth just hadddddddddd to come and build a fuckin barrier.
fuck lah.
now i know how i really3 feel.
it's okek lah~ it's ma freakin life anyway.
i fuckin dunt care.
gotta werk.yesh,i am not rich.trust me.all this are hard earned dough.
need to find hard earned money.
learn from ma mum lah.
luxury don't do you good.
at least i still know how it feels leading a difficult life.
i really think i shud go back to ma own-self.never depend on anyone.
u will regret it.
nufaillll.i really need to talk to you.
and dope.hai~service2 hurry up must finish tau~
and shaikh~ take care of yerself tau.
*breakdown*

olaaaaaa~

2004-11-24T13:08:00.000+08:00

i miss wada and d.a.sry gurls i realllllly cant go out wit u all todae.cuz i have to go out wit shaikh~ i kinda promise him.i know like hari raya outings bla3.but i really cant.im sry =(. and addafiq and tha rest.im sry too i cant go jalan wit u peeps.call me bastard,so bad. im not rabak okek.i just cant todae.im sorry. =(

blardee hell sia~ ugh~ ive got to think, i got three blardee events hapenin at tha same time tomar. pri chalet.i reallllllllyyyyy wanan go. hai~ got aunt aisha's one.i also wanna go class bbq,which im not sure but i bet it's gonna be alryte.maybe i wont go fo that.but i promised them.shit lah~ i shudnt have promised.i feel so bad.but i wanan go.cuz it's thA last bbq.and tha chances of us meetin up again as a class is zero.and pri skewl i ditched them so many times.i couldnt make it.i cannot make it.bla bla blaaaaa.everytime like that.shit mang.

MSIA TRIP.BET IT'S GONNA BE REALLLL BOREDOM.SERIOUSLY.I CAN SMELL IT, ALREADY.

im meetin shaikh~ at 2.i dunnoewhy out of all tha days hes actually officially askin me out todae. like asked me out.in advance.usually we just like eh follow me,or eyy wher u goin todae,or wateva.this one he actually asked me.i sooo don't know why.it's scary.hope it's not smth that bad. is it? maybe. hai~

i tink im pms-ing lah~sheesh~

nufail baby cheer up.i know those stuff and all and hey,i want you to cheer up.i wanan see that strong mungen,chinky-sister i never had go thru this smoothly.tha motivations,advises,laughters and giggles always gave me tha strength to actually move on.i wanan see same'on's willpower heh~ i know its really difficult.but think thru.if i was in yer position wit sumwan like you as ma backbone.i will think of tha best.think thoroughly.okek <3>

2004-11-24T00:30:00.000+08:00

today was one of tha most amazing days.everythang was good.i love you.

weeeeet!!

2004-11-23T11:17:00.000+08:00

THA BIG OS HAVE ALREADY ENDED FOOO MEHHHH~~ WOOHOO.

gosh.that was damn fast.now im gonna miss skewl,tha canteen tha asshole wannabes who think they're gonn conquer tha skewl.those stupid acts by tha mats and mnahs and tha bengs and lians.sheesh~ im gonna miss all that.tha occasional fights in skewl,tha throwin of chicken bones.and standing at tha corridor.lookin at tha peeps rushing to buy food.sheesh.aqram making grand appearance in tha canteen after skewl.he just loves attention.im gonna miss majulah singapura.how we would laugh at tha flag barriers.shit ive been one.hahahas. and tha early morning wher i went to fix tha flag.tha students must be thinking,someone like me a studentcouncillor and peer mediator..something must be really wrong wit tha skewl.

hahahas.dope..dunt turn gay okek? i love you grunge gay boy.keep it that way.heh~ and please. crack more lame jokes in tha middle of tha nyte.haha~ hopes ull find yer grunge gf soon aight.i know u wanna be me.chill3 no bfs.dunt care.hahahas,ryte? im not that attractive,so good lah~ i dunt wanna attract tha wrong crowds.weeee~ so end of our rship? i dunt think sooo..haha.u sweet piece of thang.i neva thought ud say that to me. hehe~ no more grunge.maybe gayboy. u go chill at alkader ah..! i can chill at simpang ahh!!!

shutter was umm shutter. hehe~ me and sab kept on screamin.it was damn funny. tha whole movie,chillin wit all of us was like HAPPENING.tha ending was freaky lah~ it's like "hanging onto yer loved ones" sheesh~shud watch lah for thrills.weeeee~

prem.thanksies for talkin to me.and everythang.i really appreciate it. i loveeeeee watchin you talk.sheesh~ i dunnoe why but ure like tha ferst person i can sit down for hours and just listen you talk.it's sooo interesting.although you're full of yerself, i still love u.haha madness. we should hang out more okek? ims ure to imrove ma english.weeee~ and that book ure gonna publish.... when it's done,send a copy to us..heh~ <3

nufil.sheesh~ im not angry wit you lah~ please ure just like a half-mungen chinky sister i never had.look at me.im also like shinky.imma gook remeber.sheesh~ please,how can i be angry at youuuu.

wadaaaaaa and d.a i miss you soooooo much.gosh.and skewl has ended.when ca i chill at wada's hse again? hai~ we shud.we must.chil3.and netball.i miss tha netball gurls.im goin to skewl fo netball.at least a few days and stuff.fo training.weee~ no more sec 4.time really flies balls.im gonna miss class.tha tchers.mdm rogayah fo sure.yer friends will stick by you.those who ahve forgotten are just aquaintances. :) thank you so much for makin ma secondary life pretty smooth. :) i love you all.,some of you actually.haha. and deng li.come back soon lah~ then we can hang out.wit kinming,and all. i miss you playin wit ma hair lah~ hehe~ and kin ming.i miss you so much. :(

i wanan work.need to work.i need dough balls.

torn~

2004-11-15T22:36:00.000+08:00

fuck.im so torn.after all tha minta maaf and all.i feel like shit. hai~ people have all been pressurising me soo much.gosh. im soo torn deep inside. fo those who read ma blog please dunt ask me wat's it's about kay. it's not between guys or wateva.just families. just families. wateva decision i make,im sure it's gonna hurt. i wanna die.

dope,thanksies~ for accompanying me aight.please zara and topshop are not like high class okek.really.i was quite fucked up lah~ but a lil cheerful after meetin yer nonsensical self.i miss you so much.how times flies.after all these while we've never been chillin bfore and all of a sudden *poof* hahahaha. and then next time shud buy cologne.u smell like a man...wahahahhahaha. madness.and umm i blanje u cuz u accompany me.not bcus im baik...but i am baik.ryte ryte ryte...n u better do colour plans and ace yer history and arts ah.ur face also like drawin so better ace it.!!! if not.ill smack yer chest.again.and again.and again. and umm u shud follow me go buy panties and thongs more often okek.cuzzzzzzz.u need to know.too lil exposure lah youuu. ure soo not a metrosexual. im sure ull find a grunge gf one day hus mucus will just slide down and u still adore her. weee~ hahaha.andu can buy her levi's jeans frm warehse and she can koyak2 kan.grunge wat.haha and make her hair messy3.like never brush for 3 years. cool ryte.wahahhaa. siow. aunty (ur mama) wont be sooo please too hear bout that.haha. and umm u still owe me chocolate cake.remeber.? u ididot.
we chill again kay next time.and we can sit down at staircase which clearly says no smokin,fine 1000 and still smoke and ill take vids of you duin waterfall again and again.wahhaha.

dope i am still stuck into either buyin tha umm green or red.shit mang.it's $46.not soo bad lah~ryte...

smtimes ryte.i feel like im tooo emotional,seriously. and im still fuckin torn.i am sure people will be unhappy wit ma decision. im torn bet families,and also. smth else.i dunt like this feeling.at all.this sucks.

i wanna fly away. this sucks. help.

*dies*

thanksies~

2004-11-10T22:56:00.000+08:00

to those who have been makin me happy. and stuffin me wit ice creamm... like aunty..i loikee, thank you so much. im just very pms-sy nowadays.freakin cranky.sad.like.empty. shitos.i need to get earphones.i miss discman.actually not really lah,but yeah.haha *sadness* and im in love wit A techno song..aaron, thanksies fer tellin us bout tha song... *sings* listen to me mama. haha. *grec* and nufail...happenin wit us summore ah..ure like one of us already..weeeee weet*

farhan.thanksies fer u know teachin me chem and hanging out wit me, helpin me carry tha french bread fer a while and fer carryin ma roxybag when i bought tha skewl papers..haha. and stuff and smokin in frnt of me while puasa. woah ure quit a good teacher. *gasp* wow. haha. and i want bubble gum but since you got caught nvm lah..*sadness* wahaha. so poor thang. and ure not tha brown freak...!! i am! *get tha in yer head* and whyyyyy did you have to give away yer brown band.u meanie~ i want it~
dope.stop thinkin ure good in bed.gosh.and ur poor lil fingers.they're hurt.rolls eyes* nvm jill will make sure they're fine and i wanna try jill's kuih okek? <3>

im gonna pull thru.3 papers left.tha one that truly sucked was amaths..followed by chem.sheesh~ i hope i can do it.i must.if not it'll be like one of tha end fer me,maself and i. haha. and these 3 madness people who i have to live wit are watchin jurassic park 3.i love you all soooo much.and thanksies~ fer puttin up wit ma cranky-ness okek <3

p.s i can see ma signature and sheena's and sabreena's in fik's 8 days bedrrom special.. *weet*

sheesh~

2004-10-27T13:27:00.000+08:00

im so stressed.com. i miss all ma friends,yummy yamakasies.and everyone else~

wow.dope,yesh dope.actually called me.*gasp* i love you boy..haha eyyy,u dunnoe wat happened to me tha time bfore. u made ma day *hugs* thanksies~ im happy fo u and jill valentine.haha~ im a lil jealous lah~ cuz u foget me already .but nevertheless,it's okay. we reminisce all tha memories.and i agree wit u dope,that was tha most amazing chalet.and dunnoe wat else we two did.ma gawd.~ haha and stupid skateboard i fell, dope was sick and watchin gandhi.fights,freaky maze,how we entertained each other on tha bed.~ haha.no silly, when we watched tha funny show.wahha *rolls eyes* i miss you dope,seriously, we gotta catch up kay.and i dunt wanna stay overnyte at chalet if u not ther lah~ like no fun~ u try sneak out lah~ then meet us..how? can can? haha. and one more thang, i dunt wanna be one of yer four wives okek.? unfair.aha soo many wives. i think jill valentine is enuff fer you.haha.and play fo me more spanish songs okek? i wannn. and must teach me tau. ure a part-time everythang.haha

had great fun wit yamakasi+shaikh yest.nufail wasnt ther cuz she got poxy.sadly,i miss you babe. really. rover,it felt soo good to see you after like soooo looonggg..mann...went to chill at adamsies hse, *lights off,blinds down,total darkness,squashed together,portishead being played.grec* adamsies and maisarah had to sleep on tha floor,but it was all good ryte..sleepin position : aaron squashed at tha side,sheena next,abeen,me then shaikh~ if i pushed shaikh.he would fall off.hahawahahha*evil laughter* and he's so noisy,i couldnt even sleep. BEEN,I WAS TRYNA SLEEP OKEK!!! adamsies~ thank you so much for tha hospitality.really appreciate it.and aaron,u cant be a bushmen fo nuts.tha arrow always go sumwher else tau~

thanksies shaikh fo cheerin me up~ yesh mister,ill try okek.? u too aight,prove everyone wrong. some might not be happy fo wat u wanna bcum,but hey,if u ever fall back.im always hereee aight sweetheart. will try and catch you. <3

im so streesed bout ma o's but im takin it slowly.i have only a few days left.gonna make full use of it fo sure.im gonna make full use of it.i will.I MUST.

to everyone out ther who has filled me wit love and faith,ibu,mama,aunty.kakak sheen,abeen,mummy,nufail,aaron,mai,adam, dope,farhan,wada,d.A,shahirah,all ma friends like wiyah,nad,hannan.isa,kin ming.deng li, everyone.thanksies so much~ i love you all. im always here if u need me okek? <3>

aaron realised that ma hips are gettin biger.haha.i gotta do smth bout maself mang. and *guns sounds* im no vietnamese to aaron,adam,and sheena.and also been.and also mai.and also umm shaikh~ so mean can u all.and im such an animal sia~ gawd. i think i hold a record. wow *gasp*

p.s: we all gonna pull thru aight....olevels...lets get it over and done wit. and fera,chill aight gurl.ure gonna do well babe.~ <3

2004-10-27T12:25:00.000+08:00

awww.i cant help but puttin this pic.it's sweetness~but adamsies~ cannot smile is it.?

2004-10-27T12:24:00.001+08:00

darn.adamsies still taller~

2004-10-27T12:24:00.000+08:00

squish squish.~

2004-10-27T12:23:00.000+08:00

i kiss you can~

2004-10-27T12:22:00.000+08:00

we are soo comparing stomach can~

2004-10-22T19:12:00.000+08:00

aaron i miss your gorgeous eyes.lol.

2004-10-22T16:41:00.000+08:00

yamakasi weeeee~

SHIT....

2004-10-22T01:00:00.002+08:00
dear ASSHOLE,

LEAVE ME ALONE.
I HATE YOU GUTS.
IT'S DISGUSTING.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
THE THOUGHT OF YOU DISGUST ME.
YOU RUIN ME.
I HATE YOU.
I HATE YOU.
I REALLY HATE YOU.
NOTHING,I SAY AGAIN,NOTHING WILL
MAKE ME COME BACK TO YOU.
I SWEAR UPON EVERYONE.
I WILL NEVER EVER WANNA COME BACK TO YOU.
YOU RUINED ME.
I HOPE YOU GET INTO AN ACCIDENT.
AND DIE.DIE.
GO TO HELL.
BURN BITCH!BURN!
READ MA LIPS SON OF A BITCH, I HATE YOU.
I HATE YOU.YOU MAKE ME PUKE.REALLY.
I HATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YOUUUUUU.

SHIT

2004-10-22T01:00:00.001+08:00

im sooo stressed can~

2004-10-20T13:12:00.000+08:00
god..havent been blogging.i wanna blog.

woahh..everyone.okay not everyone.nunu,adamsies and been changed tha blogskin.weet! veery very nice...esp adamsies punyer...sooo him can~ i love it.shitos.haha. anyway im damn bored lah..these two beautiful pigs still sleepin despite everyone screamin askin them to wake up.

i AM SO DAMM STRESSEDOKSERIOUSLY, I DONT THINK I CAN MAKE IT FOR OLEVELS.IF I CAN I NOE I CAN NOW,IVE GOT THIS FEELING I CANT. AND MA FEELINGS ARE USUALLY RYTE. im sooo stupid,so many thangs to cathc up wit,soo much stuffs. I MISS YAMAKASI.SO MUCH. it's killin me slowly..seriously. and rockstar,i miss yo loads too. I MISS STARING AT AARON'S GORGEOUS EYES.

tha prawn vadai at east coast road is happenin balls.aunty bought fo me.yay! and thanksies aunty aishah fer giving us clothes.happenin clothes. do more spring cleaning okek.? <3

rockstar~ thanksies sooo much fo tha levi's pocket :P thanksies~ i didnt expect anythang from you...wit all ma stressness and stuff.haha.i wanted tha roxy one,but it's common already. thank youuuus sooo much. i <3 face="verdana">
i studied wit rasta boy at bdk library.and umm went to BK to break fast(tho im not fasting) it was soo funny,..he brought tha food to tha table and then i ate.then got this malay guy look at me.then he laughed.i laughed too cuz it's not breakfast yet.haha.and rasta boy,u look great wit yer specs.i dunt think i can follow you take it.haha,sorry rasta.i feel like i know you from very very long.haha.madness.and he calls me kinky,nt yana.cuz this song kinky raggae by bob marley and then he was singing bout this brown sugar ladyyyy.nd it's kinky,so he calls me kinky..ryte rastaboy?

i miss adam,aaron.nufail,mai,raihan,wada,D.A,dope,hannan.isa,kin ming,deng li,weewee,nad,ryan,xiaoyi,zheng wei,sebast,serene,jasmine,hui wen,.aiyer practically everyoneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. :( i <3 face="verdana">
eveyone is saying im FATTTTTTTT.. ma uncle announced yest nyte that ive take over sab's big arse.now i have big arse.he said im gettin fatter,very fast. in all tha wrong places.mannn....i dunt' want,, *sob sob* and i want ma robovite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ma,can buy another one please? *smiles innocently*

cant let this missin all distract me. hopes we can buka outside today.*crosses fingers*

weee~

2004-10-12T19:33:00.000+08:00
sheesh~ it's been so longgg since i blogged so this is gonna be looong can? hehe

well watched yamakasi..and it rocks!! im gonna be outta sore-eyed clan soon. still simpang clan and 1/7 of yamakasi!! haha. after weeks and weeks of MC.im beginnig to miss skewl soo much.even if tha doc gave me MC i would still go.i LOVE SKEWL. shit i said that.*squirms*

adamsies~ yer sisters are safe now i heard.now all you need to give is much love aight sweets.
adam <3>

well.guess wat ma name is skewl is now??!!! HIP HOP.and know why..cuz ma hips hop cuz they're big. gawd.sickos.they were like hip hop..i miss uuuu...haha.i miss you peeps too tho i hate tha name hip hop.but okay...u guys actually found an okay name fer ma ass.haha *grins*

got A whole ENCYCLOPEDIA OF HOMEWORK TAU. *sadness*

imsooostressed can..evryone's counting on me to do well.i dunt want.i cannot.im soo scared ill do badly.i jus wanna be normal AVERAGE PLAIN JANE PLEASE..

I CAN SEE AGAIN.JUST A LIL LIL BLUR.BUT I CAN SEE AGAIN.!!

ma poor baby got it..and aaron also got it.but aaron~ u deserved it dude.shaikh~ go doc can..haha.<3

and can i ask y'all smth.am i really that animal-litic to you? haha. im flamingo(adamsies) giraffe(aaron and nunu) puppy(nunu) and hyena(umm rest of tha people)..am i that WILD..? *smirks* haha

*sob sob* i am GEMOK....seriously.even ma nenek said.she was like eyyy *translates in english*
yana from tha back very big ah..very like fat... haha. and ma frens said im hip hop due to ma hips.and big ass.shit mang.i wanan stop eatin.shit how to survive fasting.gawd bless me.

shaikh~ umm thanksies~ fer understandin me..seriously.i didnt expect that from u.i thot u would have like reacted totally different baby.

and sheenster~ thank you soooo much fer understanding me and u noe..ummm givin me tha courage and stuff. really appreciate it loads and loads. and tell shaik cannot expect single digit frm me.i dunt study much now. and i miss chillin wit shaik.bring him to simpang ahhh bodooohhh... thank you. much love.

abeen~STOP FEELING SHITTY CAN.much love baby. and we shall NOT go out wit him agian.maybe u will,but not me.gawd.and i saw md noor.cute. haha and cendra. hotness.i like his hair.haha.

I LOVE MA UMM HAVAINAS,NEON YELLOW BRASIL SLIPPERS WHICH SLIPS PERFECTLY IN MA LOONG FOOT.NOT BIG.IT'S REALLY LONGATED.HAHA LOONG FOOT.I LOVE IT. shall i say it again..I LOVE IT.... *brasil..lalalalalllala..lalalalala brasil*

2004-10-06T14:48:00.000+08:00

i look horrible.com

2004-10-06T14:45:00.000+08:00

i love this shirt.but i can't find it.

2004-10-06T14:44:00.000+08:00

sheesh~ he's soo cute.

2004-10-06T14:42:00.000+08:00

dunt look at me.

olaaaa~

2004-10-06T13:36:00.000+08:00
haha.went to tha poly in tha morn and then got referred to tha hospital so got to be ther at 2. tha nurse like warned us "gurls..be sure ull be able to wait..get ready to wait" *shit* surely lamer wann..die die. haha.but we didnt wait fer so long cuz me,sheena.sab and mama amused ourselves.how fun!we were lughing soo much.seriously ilaughed so much i sweared i could have peed in ma panties.*laughs madly* we were soo laughing about XIOMARA.. "ma child..uve been possesed" *sheena's accent* wahahahha it's fuckin funny.GOODNESS. im gettin more and more laughing lines.sheesh~

tha specialist practically poked ma freakin eyes.she..put this drop that stings to lil drops.ma goodness.ma child wathave u put into ma eyes.okok.hate to recall tha whole tortorous process.but i cried.haha im turnin emo more and more. BLAME THA EYES.

well..i havent seeen shaikh lately~ been busy wit nuttin and all.haha. so duh~ i miss him *rolls eyes* went to simpang afta that wit umm sheena and abeen and mai and adam. saw them at umm playgrd.and lil kids kicking balls.haha.

we all got new grp besides tha simpang clan. haha umm THA YAMASAKI!.haha im tha umm fast runner one rocket.cuz he's tall, adam is umm tha music one,abeen tha bull one *giggles*, mai tha tango, sheena tha umm baseball one due to tha koyak-roxy cap.nufail and aaron i dunnoe lah.~ tha yamasaki got exactly 7 people.so yeah seven of us ryte.wait lemme count.. *counts counts counts* yay! yana can count!! weee~ *rolls eyes* weee~ hey plans plans plans afta ma o's aight.we will have plans!!!! must have.

well, tha ajomas might be goin fo trip to melacca on tha new year's eve soo i might spend new year alone. *sob sob* but hey, evryone seems to be single again.so we will rock tha place! ryyyteee.haha.it's okay lah~ hey evry year i spend new year alone wat.soo..wat's so bad bout it.this year i have umm nufail,wait issa.shit.ive got abeen,aaron,mai.shit got adam.sheena.um not sure ..yet.aunty.got dee ah.umm.got wada DA haha.so nevamind lah~ wee~

p.s: i miss netball and shaikh~ and skewl everyone's been calling me up.awww so sweet.been smsin me rytee..u all miss me too much ryte..haha. yay! ill be cumin tomar i guess. much love.and shaikh rcker..i miss youuuuuu~ children of tha damned *rolls eyes*

looongggg...

2004-10-05T01:32:00.000+08:00
this is gonna be long.fuck.

okay..i HAvent been blogging fer gawd noes how long.i went to Kl wit ma family and all..haha..thankises fer tha OUH-SO-MUCH-FUN-AND-FrEaKIN-HAPPENIN time we had in KL.thank you papa fer tha trip. *smiles*. i bought like ummm lemme c..umm this top i am OUH-SO in love wit can? haha. i miss shaikh~ haha. thank you fer tha OUH-SO great time to aunty mama papa atuk nenek han sheena and of course sabreena.weee~ i larve u all.weee~

okek.i went to alter like this pink pants can.ma gawd.pink.but hey it's cool lah~ ma aunt say i can pull it off.and i trust her since she's got absolutely amazing fashion sense can. and dee,thanksies fer bearing mA irritating-ness and askin you for directons to LYDIA ELEGANCE ALTERATION PLACE. haha.

when i reached spore i got like loadsa smses and one was from rahman. rahman!!! i was in KL i replied yer sms ferst! i aksed u how u were and wat happened and u didnt even reply me.guess u really hate me this time.since u want us to u noe...foget everythang.then okay la~ im not askin fo more.i miss you so much.serious.all tha u noe emo times we had and all those stuff we went thru and everythang.seriously im really sorry bout yer bike n wat had happened lately.but u dunt even bother to care now.u seem like ure not even interested to talk to me. i wanna call u but im soo sure u will reject and say ull busy ryte.and i know u wont wanna talk to me..I WAS IN kL!!!!!! :( :( :(

been angel, i really hoped you enjoyed tha simpang thang.sorry shaikh was late.he had werk.and aunty,shaikh~'s a reallllllllllllyyyyyyy shy person.but cautious *he can be retarded* very retarded. he showed me his reallll retardedness todae.wait wait. umm date 04102004. and ure tha ferst freakin guy i actually bought a present sia~ ma gawd. u shud be honoured bitch! haha. i larve to bits and small small teeny weeney pieces.and both yer sisters look alike can.ma gawd.haha.and thankises fer bein ther since tha day i got sore eyes.haha~ and even tho i look horrible always u still like me*doubting*...ryte? u still do ryteeee...?

eyyy..i cant believe i havent been goin to skewl ferlike wat? 1 week++.i met hannan and shairazi and xiaoyi and tim.they all asked me not to cum skewl.haha i miss you allll sooo much.esp u deng li.how u pull ma hair and irritate me.haha.i soo need help can in studies.i will study like mad frm these days onwards okay.yana u have to do it tau.please.and ma hmwerk is like umm ENCYCLOPEDIA please.

thanksies to aunty,dee,aunty aisyah,sheena,nufail,aaron,mai,adam, and of course ma baby.shaikh fer cumin...fer makin sab's day and not fergettin taufik!! fer ringing her.it really made her day.goodnes.she was SEXCITED can.baby, i noe ure tired and havent sleep fer two days.haha.thanksies~ i larve u to bits. and yer sister can so pass off as a hot babe. she is.both of them are.ma gawd.u guys shud be thankful fer having like freakin good lookin blood running thru u can.and i hope u like tha shirt *hopes hopes hopes 23456789* go go children of tha damned....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MA OLEVELS ARE CUMING IM SO WORRIED.IM GONNA NOT DO IT.BUT I WANNA DO IT.IM SOO GONNA FAIL....im sooo scared.seriously.

shaikh i larve yer retardedness tho it gives me like constant headache smtimes.wahahaha. *bleagh* no no im kiddin..really.im kidding tau.im kidding....*rolls eyes* :P u children of tha damned people.luv u MOFO.

SHAIKH~ THANKSIES FER SO-CALLED COMFORTING ME WHEN I CRIED JUST NOW. I DUNNOE WHY..I JUST BROKE DOWN.IM SO EMO CAN.IM SO SO SORRY. I COULDNT FIND MA BANTAL AND THEN HAVING BAD BAD TORTURING HEADACHE AND THEN I JUST CaLLED U AND CRIED.IM SOORYYY.. I MUST LIKE REALLY SOUND HORRIBLE.IM SORRY. *kiss*

weee~

2004-09-30T13:36:00.000+08:00
rahman.im so sorry bout yer bike.about u.i really really hope you're okay. take care tau.next time,dunt *vroom vroom* when raining heavily can.

okay.u know wat.? everyone's blog is like so deep.so so deep. use dictionary ryte..haha.but nvm lah~ improve english kan.haha. eyy..i listenin to MC SERGINHO *sings and moves hand* the book is on tha table,table.taa-aa-ble... and everybody is on tha table.wahaha...*guilty pleasures* gives me tha memories of evryone in class singing yana is on tha table table table.haha..madness i tell yer.

noora,im not rocker gurl.i just like tha band lah bodoh.haha i dunt wana be rocker gurl.that's so like not me.im so angelic and umm un-rocker-ish.okek? i look like exorcist gurl..*roars*

when ive got tha mood and when tha atmospheres ryte..ill write ma thoughts deep deep wokays and ill use dictionary wokays *winks winks* haha. ma eyes are itching reall bad and it hurts..frm tha inside.. *sob sob*

latta. *screams* ma eye hurts.shiznets.

i miss simpang~

2004-09-28T13:06:00.000+08:00
geez.i woke up and realised how much i miss noora,nunu and shaikh~ gawd. it's irritating cuz i cant do anythang bout it.and i miss skewl~ can u believe it? yana misses skewl!! noora and nunu..i miss you two sooo much.it's ugh....

down wit sore eyes.thanks to han and sheena.now all four of us got sore eyes. dammit.sickening.haha. we are,wait must stay home.so sad can~ im not duin well in skewl.i just counted ma whole prelims points.even ITE wouldnt want a failure like me.gawd.im such a blardee failure sia~ fuck it~

i need to study likemad.really3 study.seriously study.im not gonna meet shaikh this weekend.this is so sad.im missing him already.freakin hell.and now i cant meet him.i really4 hope i can meet him on friday.after skewl..please...i miss him.

that day at maria's house.we had lunch and watched shrek 2. bear very noisy..haha. but he's cute lah.like BFG. hehe.wit dimples.maria..thnks fer inviting us baby..and syaf i got tha shirt you wore only in army green.hehe..coincidence.shit.haha.noora,how cum u didnt wanna go?

kakak and nenek and aunty go robinsons sale or smth.haha wit shades and all.im so bored ryte now.watching MTV..haha.and i can proudly say im not afraid of eye drops.well umm..not that afraid.haha..shit.okok.im still scared lah~ evrytime been or kakak wanna put eye drops they wanna slap me.am i werse than han? am i? am i? and i wanna watch brown sugar!!

im goin sewl tomar.i wanna go skewl tomar~ u poor lil eyes.please get well i wanna go skewl lah~okek? and im gonna study science after this. i havent seen ma baby brotha and mum fer sooo long.i miss them soo much~ i cant go cuz of tha freakin eye lah~

and noora wanted to address me as rocker gurl..please dunt..i dunt want~ haha. i love ma rocker umm sweetheart,but i dunt wanna be a rocker.cuz im not exactly a rcker.i listen to umm indies and rnb also wat~ so wat dyer actually call me? confused? haha..

I MISS TEA-O-PENG!!!! FROM SIMPANG!! SUMWAN BUY FOR ME CAN!!!!

ill hang out more aften after tha o's lah~ another month only..wait ending will be like two months lah~

p.s..tha GREAT ONE up ther, could u please gimme tha strength to like carry on..studying.gimme motivation can~ thnks.i really3 need it. i love you. and shaikh~ and everyone else.wee~

2004-09-26T13:26:00.000+08:00
Every time I think of you
I get a shot right throughInto a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mineBut it's a problem I find
Living the life that I can't leave behind
There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
You say the words that I can't say
I feel fine and I feel good
I feel like I never should
Whenever I get this wayI just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myselfThat if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be
Every time I see you fallingI get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
You'll say the words that i cant say.

2004-09-26T11:57:00.000+08:00
heya~ i havent been blogging for quite a while.been busy and stuff.
i went to watch tha asian beats..smth like battle of tha bands stuff.haha.it was cool man.

i mean i went ther to support dope and his band. and FUCK i didnt noe he had such talents.ma gawd..u did damnnn gud yesterday.even till now i still cant face tha fact that u tha innocent-lethargic one are able to make that low-monsterous cum satanic voice man.gawd.it's happening..
now..everyone's falling in love with you. :( *sob sob* then u'll forget me. *sob sob*

"dope,can i have ma own personal performance...? " *winks*

baby.thanks for accompanying me tho i kinda noe black metal is not yer kinda thang.haha. thanks fer supportin tha band aight. i love you so much.i dunt wanna lose you man..gawd.and sorry i was in a lil bad mood yest.blame it on tha lethargic-thang. and hey, dun't get so sad bout jimi hendrix can? it's so sad how such a respected artist died.he was an inspiration to the rockers out there.and still is.....

i went out wit ma gurlfrens d.A and wada yesterday..man..i miss them so much.miss those tymes.those stupid thangs we did. and i miss seeing DA fall.*evil laughter* mwahahha. i miss them both a lot man.and nani and shahida.tha rest of tha netball gurls.man.. :( we shall have loadsa plans after tha o's. WE MUST NOT FORGET EACH OTHER. haha.we will not.and i dunt think any soon.that felt really good when i was alone with them.i am soo ma own self.haha.and tha thong niceeee rytteeee... cowgurl.. *yeehaaa*

raihan.stop spiting.u're supposed to go and rest at home if not yer malaria tapioca thang will not turun.take care lah~ olevels cumin balls. and better not call me saliva-stepper.~ all tha best fer tha blood test thang.weeeee~

abeen, i really hope you're much better.hehe.and we shall team up and go against tha eeevilll sore-eyers..wahahaha sheena and han. sheena got infected by sheehan's eyes.and they both look like pirates!~ weee...haha. and i cant wait fo KL man..weee~ i love KL..haha shit.i hope they DO have nice stuffs.i cant wait..*grins*

nufail.i miss u tau.a lot.alot.alot.alot.alot.*sob sob*

im goin to marriiaaa's house soon.her mum invited us fer lunch.kewlness ryte.haha.i wanna go bathe now and stuff. tulus~

i must be strong.

2004-09-23T17:05:00.000+08:00
gawd.im so stressed.but instead of being pessimist and have tha tendency to take tha gloomiest possible view of tha situation, i wanna be optimistic for once.till ma olevels end.i hope i can.*smiles*

hey all of you,thank you fo all tha support,motivations,tha stoppage from eating panadols (dope ryteeee) and wanting to give up. thanks to my sweetheart shaikh~ whu has always been there. abeen,sheena.i love tha both of you soo much.nufail.i love you.thanks..study harder.make tha effort.ull do well baby.and im sooo happy for u.neva seen u happier man. u deserve it baby. dope(firdaus) for giving me lecure abt being "LOW LIFE GURL " ma whole life or smth.hehe i love you loads. maisarah for having faith in me.thanx. im happy for you and adam. *smiles* hadi fo telling me ill be okay,it's only prelims. kin ming for giving me support all tha way. nadhirah and wiyah for wanting to beat me up if i ever go ITE, cuz they afraid ill turn into a minah.geez,i wont.too much influence fo hating jack and jackies aka mats and minahs.and also to fera, fo not making me give up halfway. *smiles* god bless all of you..

afta getting ma result.i reflected upon maself.ive been duing badly and duing nothing about it.simply nothing. i have to change.ive got tha drive to actually not give up.continue.move on with it.learn to accept how badly ive done.i think i passed ma english by fluke also.if others can do it,why not me? gawd.i need to study,study,focus and concentrate.ill do good fo sure.

shaikh~ i need umm a favour,encourage me more can..and please duntlike shine away from me.just because ma olevels are cuming dunt mean i dunt need to by ma side. to push me,give me all tha support i need baby. i love you.and i miss you soo much~ seriously miss you. and dope,all tha best fo tha performance wokays.ill be there. cuz i wanna seeeeeeee... :P

i did have a lot of fun at simpang yest,with abeen.sheena,nufail and aaron.i thought yan was going to be ther.but he wasnt.aiyer~ haha. aaron u white ass. u grec.haha. and i want yer black djarum can..it's so sleek.haha. and maggi goreng is fineee..wee~

"hello,im harry... harry cock.nice to meet you." wahahahahhahahahaha.

p.s:shaikh~ ive made appointments tonyte again.ill sms u when im goin. i told mr dreamcatcher to reserve a place closer to me.wokays? so we can spend more time there.i miss you~

haha.

2004-09-22T01:40:00.000+08:00
wokays.ferstly,adam and mai.haha surely ull read ma blog ryte.it's a miracle cuz people dunt usually visit ma blog except for a few of ma frens here and ther..hehe nolah, i dunt have anythang against u people.i know tha whole story.maybe more than you do. i just prefer observin and seeing wat happens instead of saying anythang.

adam,when u called me i was half-asleep.so i was a lil sotong lah~ geez. and hey,im saying what i feel.i dunt care.it's ma shoutout. if she's hurt,why cant she talk to me instead. im not hurtin her.im just saying what i feel.u have to be a bitch at times.it's how situation is.seriously i didnt blogged totally about maisarah u know.abeen has past experiences too.which i dunt wish to elaborate. and i did experience a lil of shit like this.so im just being there for her.so lemme get thangs straight.clear all those misunderstandings.i have nothing against both of you.i just wanna see tha outcome of everythang.like go with tha flow and stuff.but what i said.i do not regret.thaT's how i feel.okay? it's gonna be weird lah.and simpang with us together i guess is gonna be..ummm long.to ma prediction.we will prob go there.but not together.yet.

ive realised something. im sad bout it but ill try to u noe come out wit reasons everytime.so that i wont feel so bad and all.i feel that we're drifting apart.haha.buti dunt think so lah~ maybe it's just ma emotions.playing games with me.but heck lah~ ill always think it's all due to olevels.but hey,alah,i swear i dunnoe how to elaborate lah~ im sad.haha.but i cant be sad now.i need to be ther for abeen just in case.i know shes strong.im here.just in case.

i think imma failure.haha but nah,i dunt think so.i got like lecture by dope.haha.asking rhetorical qns.haha this boy ah.haha thanx sweets for being ther fer me that day.and shaikh~ u too.and i miss aaron so much.i miss his crap,shiznets. saw him at simpang just now.he looked different.shall not elaborate on how he looked lah.

i must survive ma olevels.i can i noe i can.hahait's just now im not sure.after results and stuff.i hope im not dumb.i dunt wanna do badly.. :( i need sumwan.to motivate me.make me study.be there for me.not shine away from me.haha. i want a special sumwan whus gonna come along to pull me thru this shit.gawd.what am i saying.go thru wit me.not shine away.i guess ill have to find. and nufail baby...i miss you can. and mai and adam,i miss thoses times.

p.s. can sumwan please ask gawd to help shine tha light on me at thismoment.im like goin thru it maself sia.it's like sucky and stuff.okay? thanx people.

i love you like crazy.

shit.

2004-09-20T23:46:00.000+08:00
KUDOS TO MAISARAH AND ADAM.wish you all tha best.hey i have like nuttin against tha both of yer.just alil hurt lah.

i got ma prelims results.i did so badly.i cried in class.i think noone noticed except for sumwan.but i think he kept quiet. and todae's like one of tha werst day.seriously.

i got to know ma fren.quite a great guy as far as ive known passed away.im so sad.i feel so sorry. may god give him tha blessings and show him tha wonders of heaven.insyallah. and werst, he's only 17 and i just saw him that day lookin all jubilant.

shaikh~ that was seriously tha last thang i needed from you.after what i got todae.i swear.it was tha last thang. i am so fuckin sad.but i have to be strong.ma cuzzen's hurt.i should have been there for her.i am i hope.

i hate seeing her get hurt and get walked all over.it's sickening.she sacrifices too much fer her friends.ive learnt ma lessons from ma past experience.it feels like shit okay. haha.and even werse when it comes from a best friend. yes yes u cant help from feeling happy cuz uve found yer happiness.well done tha both of you. hope it'll realllllyyyy last long. it feels like a stab in tha back.but hey, whatever it is lah. i cant be bothered.i am just here for abeen when she needs me.

nufail!!!!! pucat babyyy!! i dunnoe how you feel now sweets. this situation and stuff.gawd.must be hard ryte.hey u do yer own thang. spend more time wit ISSA lah.hehe.im soo happy for you both.weeee~ im so happy.

i went to tha doc.ma skin's gonna take a loooongggg time to heal.sorry babes, tanning will be lesser.haha.but fuck,whu cares ryte.weee~

aaron.i wonder how you feel. still wondering.hey man.i miss you~

abeen:im really sorry.i love you so much.baby you're strong.cum on.i noe you're stronger than this.i and kakak are here okay.and we're gonna have a whole lotta fun in KL(if we're goin). and then we're gonna study like mad for o's.prove you can do it okay.u CAN do better than me.trust me.im slackin realll bad.im listening to like sugababes run for cover.sick ryte..haha.

and shaikh~ yesh yesh..umm u contact me whenever u think you're not wasting your time okay.~ have fun.

2004-09-19T02:56:00.000+08:00
wooohooo...haha i havent been blogging much lately.been busy.skewl.alet nyte wit nufail and stuff. haha. and i met fera that day..it was fun~ i havent seen her fer sooooo longgg.gawd.she's hot lah.and she has this fren which is like uber gorgeous can.daniella or smth.gawd.shit.i feel so ugly fugly. and nufail has a name fer me.how kewl is that. it's YANA BANANA PUPPY GIRAFFE. wow. kewl ryte? haha anyways umm ive realised smth that made me really sad.ive realised all these while how guys have treated me.and it's shit wokays.trust me.it's shit. they expect thangs from me.gawd.leave me alone..i dunt want lah~ i already found tha imperfection i need.i dunt want perfect guys.ive been wrong to find tha perfect one.they always turn out rotten later. shaikh~ thanx fo wanting to mend ma broken smile as you have said to me earlier.i really appreciate it.i want you can? hehe. and please..ma ears hurt.but i bet yer arms hurt even werse ryte..? wahhaha.. good. it's soo bitable.and guess wat. he gave me a title. IM YANA WHO BROUGHT THA RETARDEDNESS IN SHAIKH~.haha wokays.i dunt like it lah~ i LARVE IT! woohoo..haha and he's damn retarded.and shaikh's~ umm retarded.ma rawkstar.pole dancing turn me on thang. haha and i larve that ballet move.haha ballet summore lah~ haha.and baby.i love yer tongue.everyone's like ewwww shaikh's tongue soo long..eww eww... haha i like lah. so no worries.haha and baby u look great wit that hair of yers.(reminds me soo much of those whu sang tha witch doctor song)and nufail i miss you lah~ and mai.wher have you been..? and adam's in KL i heard.and aaron lost his fon.and wher tha hell is he also i dunnoe.haha..and im bored.watched the terminal.one hell of a great show.superb.good storyline.very different and exquisitely directed. and catherine zeta jones is one hell of a gorgeous woman can. gawd.she's beautiful. and tom hanks ive always loved him ever since one of ma favs forrest gump. best show also. it's like 3.05.i promised shaikh~ ill meet him in ma sleep later haha.so i dunt wanna be late.got appoinment already.and shaikh im happy you got a new fon! weee~ wokays.

guess ill end then. abeen.dunt be sad wokays.hey im always here if u wanna talk.and watch people around you before talkin.knowin how sotong you can be,hehe but baby i still love you loads.hehe.everythang will tun out alryte.maybe not now.later it's gonna be even better,wokays baby.? love you.hhe..and shaikh~'s retarded can haha...and i want that top.from umm that shop at far east.uber hotness. shitos.

THANKSIES~

2004-09-14T17:24:00.000+08:00
imran..ferstly.thank you soo much fer helpin me do this thang.ma gawd.i appreciate it.thanx thanx thanx soo much~ and i havent see you fer sooo long..haha and ive decided to change ma template.haha tha last one was so child pornography.weee~ haha umm and hey u can actually view tha last time ones it's just u must move tha whole blog to tha right and then there'll be another like scroll down margin..haha ive discovered that.thanx again to imran.many thanksies dude.~

2004-09-14T13:54:00.000+08:00
im sick and tired.bitch.gawd.shahira likes ma hair.hate when i flash ma hair around her *winks*. haha.i printed like lil pics of me,like shaikh~ sab mai nufail.maria.all lah.and sheena too.and shaik(camel). haha so cute.they look so nice together gawd.haha.and ive realised smth no matter how hard i study i will not make it.im just dumb i think.gawd.hai~ so depressing can. it's like i have to study a lot lah..im just lazy.i noe i can do it deep down.ther's just like loads of distractions lah.and mr lazy just had to pick me up. shit. im blogging cuz im bored.and i read smth that made me feel like shit yest.i noe it's me.gr8 feeling it's me.hai~ hey,im sorry u feel that way but im NOT makin use of you.i love you.as a fren of course.if it is really me, im kinda hurt. but hey,but if u wanna take what we are away,then go 'head.i deserve it anyway. and u noe tha reason why i actually kept away? i was depressed.stressed.2003 was tha werst year in ma 16 years of fine life.dunt you get it.i just didnt wanna talk.and hey u have sumwan and u told me that smtimes she's jealous of me.so wat if i was closer.many thangs would have happen.TRUST ME. all i wanna say is that im sorry.u might be reading ma blog.so im sorry.okay? we are still frens.very good frens to me.uve pulled me thru and ive pulled u thru sumhow.im sorry wokays. and this is so depressing~ i feel like shit you know.that emotinal feeling is stuck to me.i hate it lah.gawd. and i need to study i wanna study i wanna be good.do well for o's and im happy enuff. okays.nuff said'. i larve umm lemme c... sab,shaikh~ sheena,syaheed,nufail,maria,mai,adam,aaron,han boy,rahman,wada,addafiq,shahira,dayana,nani,wiyah,nad.hadi.
haha dunnoe whu else lah.like so many can.and i larve you people. *smiles*

p.s i miss simpang.and aaron and adam and nufail..she got him ryte.so happy lah now.haha.

hmm..

2004-09-12T11:14:00.000+08:00
firstly.i've finished readin veronika decides to die.good book.for depressed people. haha. but it makes u think about life lah.went out wit shaikh yest.met kin ming bfore that.haha.help him wit smth.i noe it sucks lah~ haiyah.but im not a pro can.haha.then went town.i bought clip.then we met sudip and his fren and sheena and sab.and shaikh was like TOYS R US!!!! wee.. i admit it was a lil freaky. haha.but he's cute lah.haha then chill at coffee bean.and wait.ferst time i shared ciggies wit shaikh~ haha.madness.i mean bought lah.then we went home.took bus.and wait2,i ate TWO DAMN BOWLS OF BEEF NOODLES.HEAVEN I TELL YOU!! and i was like pregnant lors after that. on tha way home i felt so weak.tha past kept crawling back in ma head.i cant let it distract me.shit.i finally told shaikh~ and sab.i told sab cuz she helped me thru a lot.!! i larve you soo much baby.hey dunt worry ill pray sumwan whu needs you will come soon wokays.now concentrate.dunt be so depressed can ive been thru and it sucks.remember~ dunt mention to anyone.it's erased in ma memories.just locked up in ma heart.shit.i need to find tha key.to fix pieces of ma broken smile.i always look happy.people assume im happy.ryte on. haha.ther's more buried deep inside me.i dunt wanna unleash it.again.ha! i wanna move on goddaMIT.sucks can.and i need to start studying like mad.seriously.im becoming more distracted and lazy.god.thanx fer givin me tha motivation shaikh~ many lovies.shaikh~ im really sorry if ive hurt you tha other day but hey, i hope you really undersand.it sucks can baby.hehe.can can.wahah.anyway ive said all ive said to you.and i hope u understand*hopes*. after i get back home i had to siap2 again.watchin anacondas.it's not that bad after all.got this black guy he was sooo funnyyy.gawd.i cannot tahan.haha.SNAKE ORGY can~ wahahahahah that was like tha funniest lors.and tha grosiest was tha leech thang~ gawd been stop it stop it.went simpang for tea-o-peng afta that and went back home.i slept next to sab.how kewl was that.wahahaha.now i need to concentrate.no one is going to distract me.ive got tha adrenalin to focus.wee.ryte on yana~

*sadness*

2004-09-10T14:32:00.000+08:00
it's like im bored can. gawd.this is so sick.everyone's upset.i am upset too.but i promise maselfto always have a smile on ma face. why? god. stop hurtin all ma frens and loved ones,please? please. i just wanna see those sparks frm their eyes again.it's like diminishing.even ma very very good fren.i noticed his blog.found out abt it.and read it.i felt it.i felt for him.but why didnt he tell me earlier. and i dunt want him to flunk his o's.please lah.it's like evryone around me is depressed.i want them to be happy.all of this roots from smth.this sooo overpowering emotions that just gets into u and eats u up.hey people i want all of u to be happy.wit me.i think i have found tha ryte one.but i have no one to share tha joy with.evryone seems so sad.but why.it's all due to that blardee emotion.why sia. hai~ it changes people soo fast.everyone seems to be having fake smile nowadays.gawd. i dunnoe why.but i have ma frens ma family and ma baby(tho im not wit him) i still like him a lot.hope he likes me too *wishes* but i feel like ma life's still not contented.i seriously don't know why.it's just that mth is empty.i have this empty feeling. it just sucks.to bits.really.sucks.damn.

p.s. god,could you please brighten sab's nufail's maisarah's and that guy's life please.please... i wanna see that spark from their eyes again.real twinkles. and wait wait,another favour,please make shaikh happy,i dunt care in any form.even if it means "no yana".please make him happy. thanx.

gawd.

2004-09-10T11:52:00.000+08:00
i banged into a pole. wat did ma trusty frens and ma baby do? nuttin.they laughed their heads off. thanks guys.!!

spore idol~

2004-09-10T11:04:00.000+08:00
weee~ i went to spore idol.actually i duntmind sitting at home but since that pucat baby got 10 free tix she asked me aloong and mai and shaikh.haha shaikh.yesh shaikh.i noe..he's so hot ryte? dunnoe why he likes me also.tha gurls there were hot lah.but they're not ma type.too thrashy.nuff said.haha sheena was tha A gurl.taufik's A haha..alphabet gurl.haha nad smsed and say she saw ma face and nufail i was like shit.i hate being on cameras man.but i dunt think loads saw it.yay!! i was wit like sittin in between shaik ouh-so-quiet and sab screamin mad woman.hhaa so ma ryte ear is fineee..just maleft.a lil damaged done.i must say havent seen fik fo quite some time and he looks hot.yesh admit it.haha and he luks like adam.and no one melts me like shaikh does.well,TAUFIK GOT IN..thanx to all tha voted.hey peeps out ther whu voted fer fik.thanx soo much.god bless y'all.waited fer fik fo 45 mins.that boy ah.make-up too thick.haha. called shaikh when i reached home.he was in a bad mood.all of a sudden.i wondered wat i did wrong.i was like shit shit shit and i wasnt in tha mood to like u noe comfort2 peeps lah. but then again i dunt want him to hate me~ cuz im really fallin fo him.ugh.if he rejected me,ill be..i dunnoe..hai~heartbroken.nuff said'. he went home and took cab wit mai and fail.i felt weird.hai~ and i asked shaikh why he was angry and stuff.he was just like u noe.i dunnoe lah~ nuttin lah~ i was like ughhh..and then he blurted out nonsense which i understood.haha.i always understand his nonsense.and i larve him fer that.i larve him so much.shit ive said it.

bOred.

2004-09-09T13:36:00.000+08:00
stuffs i need to get/do:

~THA DENIM SKIRT!!
~new tops
~organise ma werk and all.shit.
~study.prelims.sucks.
~get a brown hairclip since i lost ma favourite one.sadness.
~save money to buy more stuff.ma posb is DEAD.zero zero zero.
~finish reading veronika decides to die.good stuff.

shitheads.

2004-09-09T01:51:00.000+08:00
hmm..i wanna read tha book veronika decides to die or decided to die..i wanna read... but sab's readin! dammit! i read like a lil of it durin "tanning" i didnt even tan i was in tha shade..sheen and been tan.wahaha..i read tha book.how fun.i was soo scared to like take off ma top cuz it was infested wit mats and minahs.jack and jackies.gawd.that's why i am so ashamed to call maself a malay smtimes.thanx to them.they were like gawd.uncivilised people.just irritate me.gawd.and they were like gliding off tha platform as if they were sealions.makin weird sounds.even raihan and irfan do a much10000 better impersonation of sealions.theirs are tryin so hard.shitheads.and tha minahs,tryna attract tha mats.F.they totally spoiled tha good weather.it was sunny and bright. and i miss shaikh~ tho i dunt say it often..haha dunnoe just havent seen him fer soo long.wahah..and hamsin's online.gawd.that malmsteen online sia. for like tha ferst time.wow!!! haha and i dint see mai and nufail todae.haha miss that pucat lah.and yeah i discovered smth.i love black bikinis!haha.i wore them and think they're really nice piece of cloth.haha.anyway after tanning went to umm town.got sum stuff and sheena was mad!! she wanted to buy this umm fake hair.gawd.mad woman! and i was lookin for brown clip.fuckin diff to get sia. and i WANNNN DENIM JEANS.THA NICE ONE!! frm collage.ugh.wait2 i save munnie buy..haha.. then afta that went zara.and then went bugis.then went home.sent ma aunty to airport.. then went simpang and ma uncle said end of nx year he might buy tickets fer us to go see mummy at italy!1 wee.. tha ferst thang that cums to ma mind was shaikh.hah dunnoe how im gonna be without him.fer a while already like aiyoh.madness lah.dunt even noe if he really likes me.mad lah.aiyoh. anyways umm i wann that skirt..so nice but sheena say too long.so i might cut it further. and i need so may stuff.but must wait lah.no munnie now.haha.we saw aaron and adam at simpang.that mofos.wahaha..so cute lah those idiot.and adam and aaron clubbin now. and aaron tricked us!! he told nufail kristin cumin back on tha 25th!! now can spend more time wit aaron!! wee..haha i hope. aaron is like one of those nicest caucasians ive seen so far.tha rest are like arrogant lors.haha.im bored can. im so bored lah.aiyoh. and VOTE FOR TAUFIK FO SINGAPORE IDOL.THA HOTTEST CONTESTANT!! WOKAYS.THANX PEEPS!! HAHA..and i still havent betulkan ma tagboard sia.lazee lah.

wEeEe~ i met him already...hehe

2004-09-07T23:57:00.001+08:00
wee..im bored lah now..sab's on tha fon wit adam..that moron..so cute lah..haha..MET SHAIKH~... so fun! wait..he made it fun..hehe..weee..he's soo cute..gawd..freakin adorable..and hot..gawd..im like meltin sia..wait i melt eveytime when im wit him.smtimes i feel damn stupid u noe..wit him. i dunt even noe why he would like sumwan like me..ther's loadsa gorgeous most beautiful gurls out ther..but why me sia..i feel like soo insecure smtimes..but hey, if i lose him i will like stop dating gorgeous guys.haha.i dunt wanna lose him~ :( anyways..we took 14 then dropped at netball court.he's so todae..hot!! and retarded.. we went to like simpang after tat and like met nufii baby and sab larve.haha and that man gave me tea peng instead of tea o peng.so frustrating but alah foget it.and then ther came aaron and adam! shitheads.they're soo cute.haha and aaron look like small boy sia when he took out tha cap. they were talkin bout gettin tattoos.shaikh~ neva get tattoo k baby. todae wasnt that fun and stuff it was like okay lah. a lil depressin.dunnoe why~ and less simpang now,i gotta start studying.too much suff goin on till i foget everythang sia.and mai's sick.i think depression ah.hehe.hope she'll get betta. and i miss shaikh already~ this is like so sad.i wont see him fer like days and like gawd.aiyoh. then he goin bigsplash on friday.and i wanna go tanning latta.evryone's like not well lors.haiyoh.~ bless everyone.

WeIrDeSt~ shit...

2004-09-07T13:40:00.000+08:00
i..am..soo freaked..out..can... OMG!! im so freaked out by wat happened yest nyte.i was goin to lseep..but then all of sudden shit, i was awaken by sum ringing tone of ma celly..then i was awake again.like paralysed.couldnt move a lil bit. i just opened ma eyes.it was scary.i had this feeling.i vividly remember it.it's damn frightening.i felt this snake.huge snake like was gliding frm ma stomach past ma neck.omg.so scawiee.tha feeling is just.ugh.i was too scared to move.and i just let it be.and i dreamt i was at this place.dark.red.ugh.werst nytemare.dunt even wanna talk bout it. anyway had class this mornin.nufkin tired.and isa's pants wet cuz his ass condensed or sum shit like that.and hannan's cologne was like choking me can.in physics sit wit him geog sit wit him.tha cologne.ma goodness.im freakin bored can.smsing been now..haha she's at tuition..SUFFERIN~ im soo happy*evil laughter* mwahahaha..haha..kiddin..hope ure feelin betta man..im bored.i miss shaikh can~ havent seen him fer like long ah.wait not that long but long ah.and i miss nufail an sab.and aaron and adam.gawd.aaron's ex gurlfwen cmin back.no more simpang.*sadness* haiyoh..so depressing.she's cumin back on tha 8th i think.haiyah.loadsa hmwerk to do.gotta start studying .stupid prelims lors.

wEeEeEeE

2004-09-06T19:46:00.001+08:00
this is like ma ferst blog thang.thot it was crap.but i guess this is one of those guilty pleasure wher u pour yer feelings out. everyone needs that. guess im bored now. i larve this cute babies..gonna kiss..awww..i larve tha after taste of kisses,that's if it's guuudddd..i know sumwan whu can give me like one which will really blow me off..haha..ferstly,umm thanx been.for bein ther fer me and entertaining ma crap,wait out crap tha whole day.every single day and nyte. haha..and nufail, thanx..fer bein fo me ther lately.thanx to aaron and adam and mai fer entertaining me.amuse me sia they all. esp aaron and adam,best collaboration.unbeatable.shitheads.haha altho i kinda just got to know them and stuff. i heard simpang gonna die soon ryte.? *sadness* nvm.. and gawddamn i miss him.i really hate this feeling wher u cant do anytang but to miss that person so much.gawd.it sucks.but hey, thanks fer gettin to know me.really. i think ill be really lost without you.tho im pretty independant and stuff.thanx loads. and thanks fer actually wanting to know sumwan lyke me.it's been a gr8 pleasure knowin you.and stop tryna bite ma ear.!!haha. nufail and sab and mai.gawd. seriously, u guys shud talk thangs out man.it's like a sad thang u chicas are always depressed.been im here alryte.u can talk tha whole nyte wit me but must supply me wit food,good food.and nufail,i love you.let it go wit tha flowwww~ and mai,goodness,u cute thang,talk thangs out baby.talk thangs out.! ahh.. and i miss netball,tho ma toes ar freakin blue-black..uglyy!!! ahha..i still lurve netball and im kinda bad at it also lah.haha.and baby,i think u really freaked me out wit tha bangla thang man.tha bangla-rapist shit. ugh!!*runs away* *screams*